


Among The Shadows

by zach_stone



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Josh Lives, Canon-Typical Violence, Demon Deals, Demons, Horror, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, This is gonna get Scary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-19 15:45:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5972878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zach_stone/pseuds/zach_stone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh would do just about anything if it meant bringing back Hannah and Beth. Lucky for him, a sinister, shadowy creature shows up with a bargain to make. </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Slow build to Climbing Class, but this story is going to focus pretty heavily on some Scary Shit. So, you know, prepare yourselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the deal

**Author's Note:**

> well hello friends.... here i am, starting another multi-chapter fic with a character death warning.... hoo boy. 
> 
> anyway, i really wanted to try my hand at writing scary stuff, since i haven't truly delved into that yet (ironically considering the game's genre lmao). so!! there will be violence and monsters and lots of hopefully spooky shit. i'll warn by chapter when something in particular is coming up, like character death, so you guys can prepare yourselves. hope you enjoy!!!

Josh shook violently, his clothes clinging uncomfortably to his skin. For someone who spent so much time out on a snowy mountain, he sure wasn’t handling the cold of the mines very well. His shoulder ached and spasmed where Ashley had stabbed him, and his throat felt raw and shredded from where that…  _ thing _ had grabbed him. But it was gone now, and Josh was alone and he had no fucking clue where he was.

“S-son of a b-bitch,” he muttered through chattering teeth. It was so dark where he was, he couldn’t see more than a foot or two in front of him. His head was pounding. He tried to gather his thoughts; it was a bit like chasing dead leaves on a windy day. He managed to piece together enough to remember that he’d gone through with the prank, he’d been left in the shed, something had dragged him away, someone had found him (was it Sam? Mike, maybe? His sisters were there in his memory, but he knew that was wrong, that couldn’t be real), and then the thing had taken him again. And here he was. Cold and bleeding and probably going to die. 

This was not exactly how he’d hoped the night would end. 

He struggled slowly to his feet, staggering forward until he felt the rough wall of the cave under his fingers. He needed a plan. Think, Josh, think. He couldn’t focus on anything. He squinted into the pitch black, trying in vain to see anything that would hint as to what direction to go that might bring him out of this godforsaken place. In front of him, something loomed out of the darkness. A wide, toothy grin glowed a few feet from his face.

Okay, what in the hell. 

Josh pressed his back up against the wall, eyeing the disembodied smile with cautious intrigue. Honestly, he should probably have been more terrified by this anomaly, but he’d had quite the mentally taxing evening. Whether or not this was even real, Josh figured it couldn’t be much worse than whatever that spider-limbed creature was who had Hannah’s tattoo. 

“What kinda Ch-Chesire Cat shit is th-this,” he mumbled. A rumbly laugh echoed all around him, settling deep and heavy in his ribs. He shivered harder. 

“Forgive me, allow me to shed some light on our situation,” the smile said. There was a drag and a hiss, like a match being lit, and then a small flame illuminated the cavern. The match was pinched between the fingers of… well, Josh wasn’t exactly sure what it was. It looked vaguely human, but with long, spindly fingers and that giant smile. Its body seemed to be made entirely of shifting shadows, and its eyes were impossibly dark. It sort of felt like staring into an abyss. 

“Um,” Josh said, because he didn’t really know what else to say. Also, he was pretty sure his brain was going numb, and not in a metaphorical sense. The Shadow continued to smile, and the match didn’t seem like it was burning down in the slightest.

“You’ve gotten yourself into quite the nasty predicament, haven’t you, Joshua?” the Shadow said. “All alone… soon to be dead.”

“H-hey,” Josh said indignantly. “I might not die.” He had already begun accepting his inevitable demise, but something about this creepy thing confirming it made Josh want to rebel. 

The Shadow just laughed again. “Perhaps not,” it said. “But if you remain here on your own, I promise that you will perish.”

“Well, I’m open to suggestions,” Josh said. 

“I was hoping you would be,” the Shadow said. “I would like to help you, Joshua. But perhaps… no, perhaps this is the fate you deserve. After all, why should  _ you  _ survive, when your sisters did not?”

This was an old argument, one that Josh had with himself on a regular basis. It never failed to feel like a knife wrenched in his gut, though. He slid down the wall to sit on the ground. Fuck, he was so cold. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Might as well die, then.”

“What if I told you I could bring them back?” the Shadow said. Josh stared at it.

“Uh, no offense, big guy, but they’re kind of super dead. Have been for a while.” He frowned. “Who are you, anyway?”

“Someone who can help,” the Shadow said. “I can bring your sisters back, Joshua. Easily. But it would cost you something.”

Maybe it was the frostbite he was surely developing by the second, or the fogginess settling heavy over his mind, but Josh believed this eerie figure. Something stirred in his chest. It wasn’t hope, not exactly, but it was in the same ballpark. Bringing Hannah and Beth back… it would be something like redemption, or atonement at least. “Anything,” he said. “Whatever it is, I’ll do it.”

The Shadow’s smile was brighter than the match flame. “Excellent. What I will need from you, Joshua, is simple: your soul.”

Privately, Josh didn’t think his soul was worth much. He shrugged, or attempted to; his limbs were stiff and heavy from cold. “Okay.”

“There is one more thing,” the Shadow said. “You and I will need to complete some errands out in the world first. I will ensure that you get out of here alive. And once we’ve finished, your soul will be mine. And your sisters will then return.”

Josh’s brow furrowed. “Seems like I’m giving you a hell of a lot of advance payment, here.”

The Shadow seemed to ripple, and then suddenly its face was very close to Josh’s. Its eyes were glowing orbs, a light so bright and big and dangerous that it made Josh’s heart stutter in his chest. He pressed himself closer to the wall in fear. The Shadow’s voice was booming, curling around Josh like thorny vines. 

“ _ Do you not CARE about your sisters, Joshua? Do you want them to remain DEAD FOREVER? Are you truly so selfish, so heartless, so weak, that you will not do what you can to bring them back? _ ”

Josh’s breath caught in his throat. “No, no, please. I’ll do it. I meant it, I’ll do anything. I’m sorry.” 

Just like that, the eyes dimmed back to bottomless darkness. The voice ceased its overwhelming echo. “I thought as much,” the Shadow said. It reached out one spindly hand. “So, Joshua Washington. Your soul for your sisters — do we have a deal?”

And because he honestly wasn’t sure if this was real or not, and at this point he really didn’t care anymore, Josh put his shaking hand in the Shadow’s, and said, “Deal.”

Something hot sparked and licked its way around Josh’s wrist, a golden glow twisting from the Shadow’s hand. The heat filled Josh up inside, his slowing heart resuming its normal pace and the shivers leaving his body. What the fuck. If this was a hallucination, it was a damn good one. 

The Shadow let go of his hand, reaching out for something that seemed to take shape in the air between them. It was a necklace, a thin black cord with a shiny black pendant hanging from it. With a wave of its hand, the Shadow placed the necklace around Josh’s neck. It felt heavier than he expected. 

“The contract is sealed,” the Shadow said. “Now, close your eyes, Joshua.”

Josh obeyed. A loud rushing wind sounded in his ears, and he wrapped his arms around his head, curling into a ball as the noise grew louder and more insistent. What was happening? Had he just made a horrible mistake? 

As quickly as it came, the roaring stopped. His ears rang, but as the sensation faded, he thought he could make out other sounds. The crunch of boots in snow. Murmured voices. The murmurs turned to shouts, and he heard someone say, “Holy shit, it’s Josh!”

He blinked open his eyes, squinting against the agonizing brightness of the sun reflecting off the snow. He was stumbling out of the treeline, and in front of him was quite the spectacle. His family’s lodge was in flames. Like, seriously charred, smoke and fire lapping the walls and pouring out of the windows. A helicopter was some distance from the lodge, and hurrying towards him were Chris and Mike. Josh met them in the middle, his head reeling. How had he gotten out of the mines? What had happened to his house? 

“Josh!” Chris said, his voice shaking. He gripped Josh’s shoulder heavily. “Oh my god, thank god. I thought… I thought you were a fucking goner, dude.”

“How did you get away?” Mike said, staring at Josh with a mixture of shock and guilt. Josh wasn’t sure what to say. He had no answers. Everything felt fuzzy. 

“I, uh, I don’t know,” he croaked finally. “What happened? Where is everyone?” His eyes fell on the lodge again. “Why is the lodge on fire?”

“Kind of a long story,” Chris said, squeezing Josh’s shoulder painfully tight. “Right now let’s just get on the chopper out of here, yeah?”

Josh nodded dumbly, letting Chris lead him away from the woods and over to the helicopter. Distantly, Josh wondered if he’d just had a very odd hallucination while he was actually stomping around in the woods, finding his way out. It didn’t sound too out of the realm of possibility for him. His brain could conjure up some pretty whack shit. He’d just settled on this explanation when Chris said, “Hey, what is that?”

He was pointing to Josh’s neck. Josh looked down, fingers tracing the strange necklace hanging there. The pendant was icy to the touch. Josh felt his throat close up a bit. Okay, so the necklace was real. That didn’t bode well for the rest of the events in the mines; he was pretty sure he’d sworn away his mortal soul. But then again, that meant that maybe… were Hannah and Beth really going to be brought back to life? His heart raced at the thought. 

“Where did you get it?” Chris said, reaching out as if to touch the necklace. Something flared up inside Josh, a panicky protectiveness, and he flinched away, pushing Chris’s hand down. 

“It’s mine,” he said sharply. Chris looked startled, even a little afraid. Josh guessed he couldn’t blame him; Chris had been thoroughly terrorized by Josh a few hours ago, after all.

“Okay, okay,” Chris said slowly. “Wasn’t gonna take it, dude. Just looking.”

“Just leave it alone,” Josh said. “Please,” he added, softening his tone. Chris nodded, though he still looked concerned.

“Whatever you want, man.” They had arrived at the helicopter, and Josh was overwhelmed with people shouting and pulling him inside. He allowed himself to be buckled in and faded gratefully out of lucidity once more. 

~~~

Josh could barely keep his eyes open, slouched in an uncomfortable metal chair at the ranger station. His father’s angry voice boomed from behind a closed door, the placating mumbles of the rangers barely audible. Josh pulled a scratchy wool blanket around himself tighter and glanced furtively around the room. His friends were all sitting in chairs with blankets of their own. Ashley was sitting very close to Chris, resting her head on his shoulder. Josh’s stomach twisted sharply with anger at the sight, but he just scowled and pulled the blanket over his head like a hood.

“-absolutely unacceptable, they need a hospital, not a goddamn interrogation!” Bob Washington’s voice became suddenly clear as he burst out of the room, the sheriff close on his heels. She looked mortified.

“Mr. Washington, I assure you, we meant no harm, we were just trying to assess the situation.” 

“Assess the situation? The situation is that my son and his friends nearly died, they’re all severely injured, and you’re keeping them in this shithole instead! Now I suggest you release them right now or I’ll hand you people a lawsuit so fast it’ll make your head spin.” Bob was breathing harshly through his nose, hands clenched at his sides. The sheriff’s mouth was a thin line, but she just nodded. 

“Whatever you want, sir. They’re free to go.” 

“Goddamn right they are,” Bob said. He turned to Josh, and the fire in his eyes dimmed a bit. He reached out a hand to rest hesitantly on Josh’s shoulder. “Josh… what happened up here?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Josh said quietly.

“The sheriff told me… some of your friends, they said you did this? You’re responsible?” His father’s voice was suddenly very soft. 

“I… I don’t remember,” Josh lied. The others must have heard him, because Emily made a scathing noise, but no one else tried to argue. The blanket fell in Josh’s slackening grip, pooling around his elbows.

Bob looked Josh over, and caught sight of the necklace around his neck. “What’s that, son?”

Josh met his father’s eyes then, begged him silently to stop, just stop asking questions. “I don’t know, Dad,” he said insistently. His father sighed.

“Alright. Come on, we’re leaving.” He helped Josh to his feet and the rest of the group stood as well, huddling around Mr. Washington as he led them out the door. 

So they were taken to the hospital, and Bob got approval for Josh to go home as soon as it was possible. Josh had never felt more gratitude towards his father. And when they got back to the Washington estate and his mother wrapped him up in a hug and pressed a mug of tea into his hands and didn’t ask any questions, he was so flooded with relief he could’ve cried. He took a hot shower and then curled up in his bed for several hours, drifting between sleep and a groggy state of wakefulness. After a while he pulled out his laptop to watch some stupid videos until his thoughts quieted. His instant messenger pinged to life.

 

**Chris:** hey man you around?

**Chris:** just wanted to make sure you got home ok

**Chris:** i only got home an hour ago, my mom is losing her shit

**Chris:** well anyway, message me when you’re up for it. hope you’re doing alright.

 

Josh’s fingers hovered over his keyboard for a moment. He couldn’t think of a thing to say to Chris that wouldn’t come across as cheap. He shut his computer again, deciding he’d just try to sleep until he felt less like a walking corpse.

He woke in the middle of the night, and something was standing next to his bed. He could barely make it out in the darkness, but there was a figure looming over him, tall and thin. Images of shrieking monsters and gnarled claws flooded his mind and he jerked away from the edge of his bed, tangling himself in the sheets with a strangled, “Fuck fuck fuck.”

“So sorry for startling you,” said a deep voice. It stirred something familiar in Josh’s brain. When the wide smile flashed in the darkness, everything clicked back into place. The Shadow had returned.

“What do you want?” Josh whispered. “Are you here to take my soul or whatever?”

“Oh goodness no,” the Shadow said. “Don’t you remember? We have business to attend to first.”

“Okay… so what is it?” Josh asked warily.

“All in good time, Joshua. All in good time. I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t forgotten your end of our bargain.” The Shadow spread its hands, long fingers wiggling. “And to assure you I have not forgotten mine.” An image flashed through Josh’s mind, of his sisters standing on the doorstep, smiling and saying, “We’re home.” He swallowed the sudden rush of tears and nodded vigorously.

“I didn’t forget.”

“Excellent.” The Shadow knelt down, empty pits of eyes fixed on Josh’s face. “Yes, I think you will do quite well, Joshua. Quite well indeed.” 


	2. blood stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life returns to normal. Or it tries to, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's up fam, here's another chapter for ya! this one's a bit on the shorter side, but consider it an interlude, a calm before the storm...
> 
> (featuring josh being bitter as hell, and his new therapist, who i envision as looking like Renée Elise Goldsberry.)

“Josh? You okay?”

Josh looked up from where he had been intently studying a crack in the sidewalk to see Chris watching him anxiously from across the table. They were sitting outside a coffee shop they used to frequent what felt like ages ago, before Hannah and Beth disappeared. Chris fiddled with the straw of his drink, moving it up and down so it made an obnoxious squeaking sound against the plastic lid.

“Oh my God you have to stop that,” Josh snapped. Chris’s hand stilled.

“Sorry,” he said, abashed. “Seriously though, are you okay?”

Josh considered fibbing and saying he was just tired, which was what he’d been saying every time Chris asked him if he was okay in the past month. In all that time, neither of them had brought up the incident on the mountain, neither of them had acknowledged Josh’s prank. The unspoken words piled onto each other with every passing day. Today, Josh felt smothered in them.

He shook his head. “Are we just gonna keep on pretending like nothing happened last month?” he asked. Chris nearly knocked his drink over.

“What? No, I, that’s not — I wasn’t trying to — do you _want_ to pretend nothing happened?” Chris stumbled over his words, and Josh felt bad. He’d been dancing around the subject just as much as Chris had, it wasn’t exactly fair to act like the blame was all on him.

“I’m just saying, if I seem upset, that’s why. It’s all I ever fucking think about.” Josh crossed his arms tightly against his chest like he could lock away all the emotions roiling under his ribs.

“...yeah. You’re right. I’m sorry man, I wasn’t thinking. I’m an idiot,” Chris said. Josh glanced at him before looking down again.

“It’s fine.” He scuffed his shoe against the cement. “We don’t have to talk about it, Cochise. I get it.”

Chris sighed, clearly frustrated, but Josh wasn’t willing to bridge the communication gap right now. Instead he said, “So how’s Ashley?” He was aiming for a light, unaffected tone, but it came out bitter and sour on his tongue.

“Um, she’s fine.”

“Yeah? What’s the deal with you two lately, anyway? You hook up yet?” God, why did he have to sound so spiteful? Wasn’t he the one who’d been pressuring Chris to get with Ashley for ages now? He didn’t dare look his friend in the face.

“No,” Chris said. “We’re still friends, dude, come on. It’d just… it’d be weird.”

“Even after everything that happened? I thought you guys totally sucked faces at some point.”

Chris laughed at that. “What? No, it was like, a peck. I dunno, bro. Maybe it’ll happen someday, but it’s not exactly the first thing on either of our minds right now, you know?”

“You still like her though,” Josh said. It wasn’t a question. Chris shrugged, fiddling with his straw again.

“Yeah, I guess I do,” he admitted. Josh’s hand, shoved into the front pocket of his hoodie, curled into a fist. His nails pressed tiny half-moons into his palm.

“Great,” he said through gritted teeth.

Chris nodded, looking a little confused by Josh’s reaction. His phone vibrated on the table and he looked down at it. Josh noticed the way Chris’s creased brow instantly relaxed, the way he smiled slightly at his screen. He didn’t want to hear Chris say it, but he found himself asking, “Who’s that?”

“Ashley,” Chris said, still looking at his phone. “She’s telling me about her job at the pet store - you know how she works at a pet store now? Some of the stories she has are hilarious.”

“Awesome.” Josh stood up rather suddenly, the rickety table rocking with the motion. Finally Chris looked at him again. “Well, I’ve gotta get going now.”

“Okay…” Chris said slowly. “Did I… say something to upset you?”

“Why would you think that?” Josh said, baring his teeth in what probably looked more like a snarl than a smile. Chris flinched. Josh thought about sawblades and pig’s blood and a gun held to Chris’s jaw and he wanted to scream. “I’ll see you later,” he muttered, turning away and leaving Chris staring after him.

~~~

“So you told me your father used to spend more time with you when you were a child. How did you feel when he started spending less time at home?”

Josh regarded his therapist from across the room. She sat in an armchair, legs crossed, a pad of paper balanced on one knee. Her pen tapped lightly against her chin. Josh sprawled unceremoniously in his chair, and his eyes drifted over to the bookshelf behind the doctor. It was stacked with all kinds of books with topics like marriage counseling and child abuse victims. Above it her certification was framed, made out to _Dr. Elizabeth Walken_. No relation to Christopher Walken — he’d asked. Josh huffed gently through his nose.

“Listen, doc, as much as I’d love to talk about my daddy issues, we’re wasting our time here. You’re not the first shrink who’s tried to pick apart my brain, and you won’t be the last. What’s the point?”

His therapist pursed her lips. “Okay,” she said. “If you don’t want to talk about your dad, that’s fine by me. We can talk about something else.” She waited, clearly expecting him to suggest another topic. When he did no such thing, she nodded in the direction of his chest and said, “That’s an interesting necklace. I’ve noticed you wear it often. Where did you get it?”

He looked down, nearly having forgotten he was wearing the strange pendant from the mountain. He’d put it on almost automatically every morning since the night the Shadow had appeared in his room, though it had yet to return. Sometimes he wondered if that night had even been real, but the pendant served as a reminder. He touched it absently, the chill of the stone never failing to startle him. “Um, I just found it. I don’t know,” he said lamely.

“It looks like hematite,” she said, leaning forward slightly. “Do you know anything about gemstones?”

He frowned. “Not really.”

“Hematite is sometimes called the blood stone,” his therapist said. “People used to wear it during times of mourning.” She raised one eyebrow slightly. “Why do you wear it?”

“I just, um, I don’t really know,” he said. “I just like it, I guess. I didn’t know any of that stuff.”

She nodded, making a note on her pad. Josh felt that same stirring of protectiveness that he’d felt when Chris tried to touch the necklace, and he shoved it down the front of his shirt. The stone rested cold over his heart. Josh propped his elbows on his knees and asked, “So how many patients have you given up on?”

She looked up sharply. “I beg your pardon?”

“How many times has someone been so fucked up that you just gave up?” he asked. She didn’t respond, so he continued. “One of my therapists, she was pretty new to her job. Right out of grad school, I think. I was one of her first patients. And she just… man, she did not know what to do with me. So she just gave up. Told me she couldn’t help me.” He laughed slightly. “I was thirteen. Pretty fucked up, right? All that education, all those books, and she couldn’t even figure out a thirteen-year-old kid.”

His therapist was sitting on the edge of her chair now, and her eyes were shining. “Josh,” she said. “I am not going to give up on you. I’m very sorry that happened to you, but I want you to understand something about me. I have never given up on a patient before, and I don’t intend to start. I’m going to help you work through everything that’s going on in your head. I know it seems like a mess right now, but we’re going to figure it out. Together. Alright?”

He felt bad for causing a fuss, and she seemed so earnest and sincere. She was young, he realized, maybe in her early thirties. He rubbed tiredly at his eyes. “Yeah. Okay.”

“I’m glad we settled that, then.” She sat back in her chair and clicked her pen. “Well, we’re done for today.”

He nodded, getting to his feet. He paused in the doorway and looked back at her. “Look, Doctor, um… Walken….”

“You can call me Beth,” she said. His chest tightened painfully.

“Uh, no, I really can’t,” he said quickly. “Dr. Walken, I won’t hold it against you if you break your word. I know I’m not easy to handle.”

Dr. Walken smiled gently. She had little crow’s feet wrinkles by her eyes. “You’re not as bad as you think you are, Josh. Remember that.”

His cheeks darkened, and he nodded hurriedly before walking out of her office.

~~~

When he got home, he stared into his fridge for a few minutes before deciding he’d just have to order a pizza or something. His parents were both out, and for some reason they thought he could fend for himself for dinner, which he thought was really setting the bar a bit too high. Before he could dial the number for the pizza place, though, a rapid knocking on the front door startled him. He opened the door and saw Chris, smiling hopefully and holding up two bottles of root beer.

“Wanna go for a walk?” he asked. Josh nodded wordlessly, slipping on his shoes and following Chris down the driveway. Chris handed him one of the sodas, and Josh cracked it open, the carbonation puffing air onto his fingers. They walked in silence, broken only by their occasional sips of soda. Finally Chris stopped by a small neighborhood park. There was a hill in the middle of the park, with a large tree perfect for climbing. Josh had broken his arm climbing that tree when he was nine. He remembered how Chris had cried more than he had that day, blubbering as they walked back to Josh’s house so they could go to the hospital.

Chris nodded at the tree. “Let’s climb it,” he said. Josh shrugged, agreeing. They hoisted themselves up the tree, settling side by side on a thick branch. Their legs dangled, taking up so much more space than they used to when they were just gangly little kids. The sun was starting to set, and a man threw a tennis ball for his dog across the way. Chris bumped the side of his foot against Josh’s.

“Remember how we used to climb this tree all the time when we were little?” he asked.

“Yeah, I was just thinking about that,” Josh said. He smiled ruefully. “Look at us now. We turned out pretty fucked up, huh?”

Chris laughed slightly. “I guess we did.” His smile faded. “I’m sorry about earlier. I don’t know what I said, but I know I made you upset. I guess I don’t really know how to talk to you anymore.”

Josh sighed. “Well, we haven’t been too close this past year, have we?”

“Yeah… I mean, you didn’t seem like you wanted to talk to me, the only person you ever talked to was Sam…” Chris cleared his throat, foot tapping against Josh’s again. “But I still should’ve made more of an effort. I’m really sorry,” he said. A beat of silence. “What can I do? To make things better between us, I mean.”

“Don’t…” Josh began, and then he swallowed against the ache that made his tongue feel leaden. “Don’t leave me again, okay?”

Chris inhaled sharply. His hand rested over Josh’s. “I promise,” he said.

“And about earlier,” Josh added. “I was just being pissy. You were fine.”

“Okay,” Chris said. He didn’t remove his hand. Josh didn’t mind. The sun made the sky look like it was on fire. Josh pictured the lodge, burning against the pinking sky at dawn a month ago. He tossed his empty root beer bottle to the ground and watched it shatter.

~~~

Before bed, Josh examined the pendant closely. It was shiny in certain lights. Dr. Walken had called it a “blood stone.” A fittingly creepy name, he thought, for something tying him to a demon or whatever the Shadow was. He squeezed it tight in his hand for a minute to see if it would warm up, but it stayed icy against his sweaty skin. He put it on his night stand and turned off the light. That night Josh dreamt that Hannah and Beth crawled through his bedroom window and tore him to pieces. They stared down at his grisly remains and smiled sweetly. Suddenly they were children, maybe ten years old.

“You deserve this,” Beth said primly.

Hannah nodded. “It’s really the least you could do,” she said.

Josh tried to agree with them, but seeing as he was just a pile of limbs, he couldn’t say anything at all. A darkness fell over his sisters and they vanished. He woke with a start, and the Shadow was in the corner of his room. It raised one long finger to its grinning mouth in a shushing gesture. Josh fell back asleep. When he woke the next morning, it was nowhere to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: let's find out what those errands are that the shadow needs done, eh? also, some of those archive warnings might come into play....


	3. whatever it takes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When making deals with demons, it's always a good idea to read the fine print.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my favorite chapters are always the ones where shit starts to hit the fan c: 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: character death (zoinks), mentions of violence, some gore. sounds like a fun friday night amirite

Over the next several days, Josh was plagued with the same nightmare of his sisters dismembering him, again and again. Each time he woke, the Shadow was watching him from the corner of his room. This was more than a little unsettling, and Josh started to delay sleeping as much as he could. He tried at first to distract himself with movies and videos online, but being in his room left the hairs on the back of his neck tingling. He decided to move to the study one night, sitting in one of the overstuffed armchairs and staring at the framed movie posters on the walls. All his father’s accomplishments, captured in extravagant, grisly images. Josh used to love coming in here as a kid, looking up at the posters with a sense of awe and wonder. Now, the blood splatters and looming shadows made Josh feel queasy.

He dragged his gaze away from the posters and looked at the stack of books on the desk. One of them, a thick volume, had big blocky letters printed across the side reading _ENCYCLOPEDIA OF GEMSTONES_. Dr. Walken’s comments about his necklace tickled the back of his mind, and Josh leaned forward to grab the book. He flipped through it, but there was nothing about hematite inside. At the back of the book, though, someone had shoved a manila folder stuffed with loose leaf paper. He frowned, opening it. It was a collection of drawings he’d made, mostly during his freshman year of college. They ranged from concept art for movie posters to cartoonish doodles of his friends. His lips twitched upwards. He’d forgotten about these. One of the pages in particular caught his eye. The drawings on this page weren’t all his; he’d drawn a rather unflattering picture of Mike, and Hannah had added a scribbly rendition of Josh that looked honestly terrible. He remembered teasing her about it, telling her she should stick to tennis because a five-year-old could probably draw better than her. She’d retaliated by giving the drawing of Josh devil horns and a pointy tail.

A tear slid down Josh’s nose, dripping onto the page, and he scrubbed at his eyes with the heel of his hand. Of all the things to be crying over… he almost wanted to laugh at himself.

“Josh? What’re you doing in here?”

Josh’s father, looking groggy from sleep, was leaning against the doorway. “I couldn’t sleep,” Josh said. Bob nodded, crossing the threshold and wandering over to peer over Josh’s shoulder.

“Huh. That’s funny,” he said, pointing to the drawing of Mike. “You do that?”

“Uh-huh,” Josh said. “Hannah did the one of me.”

“The likeness is uncanny,” Bob deadpanned. Josh snorted. His dad’s hand came down to rest heavily on his shoulder, thumb circling in a soothing manner. Josh was unused to this kind of affection from his father, and a lump formed in his throat. He swallowed to push it down; he didn’t want to cry in front of his dad.

“It’s late, kiddo,” Bob said after a moment. “You should get some sleep.” He patted Josh’s shoulder a couple times and then let go. Josh nodded. His dad made his way back to the doorway.

“Hey, Dad?” Josh said suddenly.

Bob turned. “Yeah?”

“If… if you could bring them back….” He hesitated, seeing how his father tensed up immediately. “If someone told you they could bring the twins back, would you do whatever it took? If it meant they’d come home?”

Bob pressed a hand against the doorframe, propping himself up. He nodded. “I’d give anything to bring them back. I really would.” He looked down at the carpet, blinking rapidly.

“Yeah,” Josh said in a strained voice. “Me, too.”

His father nodded a couple more times, and then rapped his knuckles lightly against the door. “I’ll see you in the morning. Don’t stay up too late.” He disappeared back into his own room, and Josh was left alone once again. He ended up falling asleep in the chair, and for once he didn’t dream of anything at all.

 ~~~

Josh was somewhat shaken after the conversation with his father, so the next evening he called Chris. He wasn’t sure exactly what he wanted Chris to do, but maybe he could just come over and play video games and help Josh ignore his problems for a little while. That’s what they always used to do, before Josh pushed him away last year. He could always rely on Chris when he needed to forget.

“Yo,” Chris said when he answered the phone. “What’s up, bro?”

“Hey,” Josh said. He sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the hematite necklace, which was currently sitting on his bedside table. Looking at it sent an involuntary shiver down his spine. “Just wanted to talk to someone, I guess.”

“Are you okay?” Chris asked. Josh could practically see the pout of concern that was surely crossing Chris’s face right now.

“I guess. Last night I had a nice little bonding sesh with my dad at three in the morning,” Josh said.

“Really?”

“Yep. We looked at an ugly drawing I did of Mike and then I made him cry. Real touching stuff.”

“He cried at an ugly drawing of Mike?” Chris asked. “Side note, please send that to me.”

“Ha-ha. No, he cried because I brought up my sisters.”

“Oh,” Chris said, sounding uncomfortable. “Right. Well, that’s — sorry, hang on.” Chris’s voice became muffled as he leaned away from the mouthpiece to shout, “Hey, shut up, I’m on the phone!” Josh heard distant sounds of a TV, people chattering softly. Apparently, Chris had company. “Sorry,” Chris said, voice clear again.

“Am I interrupting something?” Josh said.

“Nah, I’m just hanging out with some people, watching a movie.”

“Who?”

“Ashley,” Chris said. “And Sam, and I think Mike might come over in a bit…”

But Josh had tuned out after Chris said Ashley’s name, a sourness forming in the pit of his stomach. “Wow, all my favorite people in one place,” he said sullenly.

Chris, who had still been talking when Josh cut him off, said, “Ha, um, yeah, I know you’re probably not too crazy about Mike lately.”

He wasn’t wrong, but that wasn’t who Josh had in mind. “Well, I guess I should let you go,” he said.

“Oh, no, it’s okay. I can talk if you need to talk,” Chris replied uncertainly.

“Never mind, dude. It’s whatever.”

The line crackled as Chris sighed. “Josh, come on.”

“I’ll just catch up with you later,” Josh said.

“Seriously, man, if you wanna talk now, let’s talk. It’s fine.” Chris paused, and Josh heard Ashley’s voice saying something he couldn’t quite make out. He huffed out an angry breath.

“Bye,” he said. He heard Chris start to say his name, but too late — Josh hung up, resisting the urge to pitch his phone across the room. He stood up and stormed over to gaze moodily out his bedroom window. The sun was nearly set, and since it was a new moon the sky was dim except for a sprinkling of stars. The thought of Chris hanging out with Ashley, probably laughing at some dumb movie with her right now - it made his blood boil. And Mike was going to be there, too? As if he wasn’t angry enough already, a sharp fury at Mike engulfed him. Mike had been the one to leave Hannah in such anguish that she and Beth had vanished into the woods. And then Mike had locked Josh in a shed and abandoned him in the mines to die. Damn, Munroe, if you _wanted_ to off all the Washington siblings, why didn’t you just say so? Fuck Mike. Fuck everyone.

“Hello, Joshua,” said a deep voice behind him, and Josh startled, smacking his forehead against the window before whirling around. The Shadow was standing before him.

“Fucking hell,” he said, rubbing the sore spot on his head. “What do you want?”

“As loathe as I am to interrupt what was clearly a delightful bout of bitter rage, we have business, you and I.” The Shadow’s smile, ever-present, seemed to grow even wider.

“Yeah, about that,” Josh said. “You still haven’t told me what it is.”

“Does it matter?” the Shadow said. “I was under the distinct impression that you would do _whatever it took_ to get your sisters back.”

Josh thought about his father the night before, the almost desperate look in his eyes when he’d said “anything.” Josh looked into the bottomless darkness of the Shadow’s face. “I will. I promise.”

“Good,” the Shadow said, drifting closer to where Josh stood, backed up against the window. “Do remember that promise later, won’t you? When things get… messy.”

“What do you mean?” Josh started to ask, but a sudden fog was clouding his thoughts, and he stumbled forward. The Shadow caught him in arms that felt like icy ropes of mist.

“Shhh. All in good time.”

His vision blurred. “What…” he began, but before he could continue the fog overtook him and he went limp in the Shadow’s grasp.

 ~~~

When he came to, everything was dark. He squinted, blinked several times, and could faintly make out his own arm outstretched in front of him. He was on his back, and the ground beneath him was damp, chilling him through his T-shirt. Something was in his hand; it felt like his phone. He fumbled with a shaking thumb until he found the home button, and his screen brightened, unlocking. He brought it to his face, wincing against the light. Displayed on the screen was his text message thread with Mike. He didn’t remember sending any of these texts.

  

> **Josh:** hey can i ask a favor?
> 
> **Mike:** yeah i guess whats up
> 
> **Josh:** can you meet me at my house?? i need to talk to someone
> 
> **Mike:** uhhh are you sure you dont want chris or something
> 
> **Josh:** he’s busy. i just want to go for a walk to clear my head, you know?
> 
> **Josh:** but it’s dark and i don’t want to go alone
> 
> **Mike:** well ok i guess. be there in a few?
> 
> **Josh:** thanks mike. this means a lot.
> 
> **Mike:** yeah sure dude np

 

Josh frowned at the messages, trying to decipher their meaning and why on earth he would’ve sent them. It was around this time that Josh noticed his hand was covered in blood.

He dropped his phone, sitting bolt upright. He couldn’t much see his hands in the darkness, though, so he picked up his phone again, setting it in his lap and holding his hands up to the light. Blood, still scarlet and wet, covered his hands, all the way up to his wrists. Something grittier stuck under his nails. What’s more, there was a distinctive, uncomfortably familiar scent of blood and meat in the air. The smell brought back disturbing memories of all the pigs Josh had slaughtered in preparation for his prank. He tried to control his harsh breaths. Where was he? What the fuck had he done?

He looked around, his vision adjusting enough to see silhouettes of trees surrounding him. He was likely in the woods near his house. When had he gotten here? He leaned forward to his hands and knees, clutching his phone in one hand, crawling slowly forward. His head was leaden, heavy on his neck. His phone’s light fell upon something a few feet ahead of him. He frowned, inching closer. It was a shoe. Attached to a leg, attached to a person. Josh lifted the phone higher, and the person’s face was illuminated with startling clarity.

It was Mike, and he was quite dead.

With a strangled yell, Josh scrambled backwards, phone flying from his hand again. The blood-and-meat smell, he realized, was coming from Mike. Josh gagged, covering his mouth and nose with the crook of his elbow, and eased forward again. Mike’s body was sprawled across the forest floor, eyes staring blankly up at the sky. His mouth was open slightly, a shocked expression on his face. His chest was the worst part. It was hacked open, a ruined mess of flesh. Blood spattered the shredded remains of his shirt, leaking out of some of the deeper gashes. It looked like someone had really gone to town with a knife. Sure enough, sticking out of the space just under his ribs was the hilt of a dagger.

Josh wanted to puke. He was no stranger to gore, but it was one thing to see it fake and orchestrated, and quite another to see it real and splayed out before him. His fingers dug into the dirt and dead leaves underneath him. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping maybe when he opened them again Mike’s body would be gone. No such luck. “Oh shit oh shit oh shit,” he whispered.

“Well done, Joshua. You’ve done quite nicely.”

He whirled around to see the Shadow, or at least its huge grin, leering down at him.

“What the _fuck_ did you do?” Josh said, voice coming out loud and quavering.

“Me? Joshua, _you_ did this. Look at your hands,” The Shadow said delicately. The blood slid slickly against Josh’s palms.

“No,” he said. “No, no, I don’t believe you.” As he said it, images flashed through his mind, just like they’d done when the Shadow had shown him his sisters returning. But these images, these were different. He saw Mike, walking in the darkening woods with a confused look on his face. He saw himself, the strange curved dagger clutched behind his back. He saw Mike, stumbling in shock as Josh drove the dagger into his chest and yanked down. Blood everywhere. The knife, again and again. Mike falling to the ground. Josh standing over him, looking down with wild, unfocused eyes before he collapsed.

Josh came back to the present, and his face was sticky and damp with tears. He looked back at Mike’s body “Why—?” he began, but could find no ending to the sentence. When he turned to the Shadow again, it was dangling something in front of his face. It looked like the necklace.

“I was merely procuring another one of these,” it said.

“Another one?” Josh asked faintly. He palmed at his own chest, startled to find the hematite pendant hanging there. “What… what is that?” he said warily.

“Something I needed from the dearly departed,” the Shadow said. A shiver crawled up Josh’s spine.

“You took his soul,” he said. The Shadow chuckled.

“Oh, you mortals are delightful when you catch on. Very good, Joshua. Very good.”

“You — you made me kill him,” Josh said, the words sticking in his throat. “Fuck. Oh, fuck. This is so bad. I killed him with my bare fucking hands? I’m going to go to prison.”

“You will not go to prison,” the Shadow said. “Listen to me, Joshua. I need you to follow my instructions exactly. Delete your conversation thread with Michael on your phone.”

“What?”

“Delete your text messages, Joshua. Evidence.”

“My fingerprints are all over his fucking dead body, asshole! There’s enough evidence to get me a fucking death sentence!” He was shouting, his whole body quaking with equal parts horror and fear.

The Shadow’s eyes gleamed ever so slightly, like the dying light of an old-fashioned television set right after being shut off. “Do not make me ask you again.”

“Fuck you! This isn’t what I signed up for!” Josh said.

The Shadow’s smile turned into more of a grimace. “You are exhausting. I hoped we could get through this willingly, but you leave me no choice.” It waved a long hand in front of Josh’s face, and he lost consciousness in an instant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP mike munroe gone too soon  
> or is he....?  
> (nah he is)


	4. justice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to get away with murder 101: have a demon do it for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL last chapter sure was fun eh  
> i'm enjoying all your theories about where this fic is gonna go.... you'll just have to wait and see :~)
> 
> no warnings for this chapter except for some discussion of the shit that went down last chapter, but nothing too explicit.

Josh woke with a start in his own bed. He sat up quickly, holding his hands up in front of his face. They were clean, not a trace of blood or grime on the skin or under the nails. His stomach unclenched — just another fucked up dream. He really needed to stop going to bed angry, it clearly did things to him. He looked over at his nightstand to the alarm clock; apparently it was already almost noon. He must’ve seriously conked out last night. He scrubbed the last vestiges of sleep from his eyes, trying to shake the unsettling images from his dream. When he shifted in bed to get up, something cold brushed against his sternum. He ran his fingers over his chest and realized he was wearing the pendant. That was… concerning. He distinctly remembered taking it off last night.

His phone vibrated with a call; it was Jessica. That was even more concerning, seeing as he hadn’t talked to Jess since they’d been on the mountain. He picked up the phone and answered with a scratchy, “Hello?” His mouth felt like sandpaper.

“Josh?” Jess’s voice was tear-choked. “Hi, um, I’m really sorry to bother you, but have you heard from Mike recently?”

Josh’s blood turned to ice. “No? Sh-should I have?” he asked nervously.

Mistaking his tone for a different kind of concern, Jess said quickly, “Oh, no, it’s fine. Um, it’s just, he was supposed to come over this morning, and he hasn’t yet. And he’s not answering his phone. And he was supposed to go to Sam’s house last night, but I guess he never showed up?” She sounded near hysterics. “So I’m a little worried, I guess?”

“I… yeah, I don’t know where he could be,” Josh stammered. He was starting to hyperventilate.

“Okay,” Jess sniffled. “Um, I’m going to go to his apartment, to check on him. If you hear from him will you let me know?”

“Uh-huh,” Josh said. Jessica hung up. Josh set his phone down and stared at his shaking hands. “Oh fuck,” he whispered.

“Feeling ready to be more reasonable?” the Shadow’s voice said in his ear. Josh jerked forward, falling onto the floor in a tangled heap of blankets. The Shadow towered over him. It was even more confusing to look at in the sunlight filtering through the curtains. Its whole form seemed to shift in and out of sight, except for that luminous grin.

“I have to call the police,” Josh said, fumbling for his phone. “I have to turn myself in.”

The Shadow snarled. “You will do no such thing! Do you think you are any use to me behind bars? Do you want to see your sisters again or not?”

Josh, who had found his phone again, froze. “...I killed my friend.”

“Oh, but was he really your friend?” the Shadow asked. “You hated him, Joshua. Don’t you think he deserved this?”

“What?”

“Wasn’t it his fault that your sisters died?” the Shadow said, its voice curling around Josh’s brain like wisps of smoke. “A life for a life. Justice.”

Josh swallowed roughly. “What… what happened to his body?”

“It has been dealt with. No one will find it. None of this will be linked back to you. Accept this. Somewhere, deep down, you’re glad that he is dead.”

The Shadow’s words made him feel sick because for a fleeting instant, they were true. “I… I don’t know,” he said.

“You can wrestle with your conscience another time. For now, please appease your friend.” The Shadow gestured to Josh’s phone, which blinked with a new text message from Chris. “He is quite relentless, I almost thought he would be impossible to shake last night.”

There was a long thread of messages Josh didn’t remember sending, all timestamped from the night before except for the most recent one. He scrolled through them. 

 

> **Chris:** hanging up on me, really??? real mature, bro.
> 
> **Chris:** ….seriously though dude, please talk to me. i promise i’m not busy.
> 
> **Chris:** we’re literally watching the spongebob movie i can guarantee whatever you needed to talk about is more important
> 
> **Chris:** josh??????? do you need me to come over or something i’m worried
> 
> **Josh:** i’m fine
> 
> **Chris:** you don’t have to lie to me.
> 
> **Josh:** i’m not lying. i’m fine now, i promise.
> 
> **Chris:** i still think maybe i should come over
> 
> **Josh:** don’t come over.
> 
> **Chris:** dude. come on.
> 
> **Chris:** helloooooo

 

Josh sighed. He wished Chris _had_ come over; maybe then he could’ve put a stop to the horrors of last night. But then again, maybe the Shadow would’ve just made Josh kill Chris, too. The thought was enough to send a fresh wave of fear through him. He texted Chris back. 

 

> **Josh:** hey. i’m sorry about last night, i was just in a bad mood and i realized i wanted to be alone. i didn’t mean to worry you.
> 
> **Chris:** hey!!!!! it’s ok man i get it. sorry for being pushy. you sure you’re ok???
> 
> **Josh:** yup.

~~~

A week passed before he saw Chris again. During that time, no one was able to figure any trace of where Mike had gone; police suspected that he ran away. It happened sometimes, they said, after going through a harrowing experience, that a person just couldn’t handle their ordinary lives anymore. The Munroes had not been satisfied with this, of course, and were convinced Mike had been kidnapped, though his apartment showed no signs of a break-in or any struggle. Jessica posted pathetically stagnant updates on the case to all her social media, always reaffirming that “he might still come home!”

Josh hid away in his room and avoided speaking with anyone, avoided even sleeping. He’d lay in bed, staring blankly at the opposite wall until the sunrise filled his room with yellow light. Sometimes, the Shadow was there, watching him passively from the corner. Josh never spoke to it. He was afraid that if he acknowledged it was there, it would make him kill again.

But then Chris had texted him and asked him if he wanted to go get bagels, and even though Josh was exhausted beyond belief and hadn’t said more than two words to anyone in days, the thought of seeing Chris filled him with a fragile sense of comfort. Chris was safe and familiar and the possessive side of Josh really needed a few hours of Chris’s undivided attention. So he’d agreed, and Chris picked him up at eleven in the morning. When Josh got into the passenger seat, Chris smiled at him, but his smile faltered when he took in Josh’s face.

“Dude, you look awful. Have you been sleeping at all?”

Josh grunted in response. He knew he looked bad, the bags under his eyes heavy and dark like bruises, and his skin had a worrying greyish pallor to it. He felt like a zombie. But he buckled himself in and tried to force his face into a smile. “I’m fine, man.”

“Okay…” Chris started to drive, and after a moment he said nervously, “So I should tell you, it’s not gonna be just us.”

Josh stiffened. “What?”

“I kind of invited Sam and Ash, too,” Chris said. “It’s just, you haven’t been talking to anyone lately and we’re all worried about you and I think it’d be good for you,” Chris said in a rush.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Josh asked irritably.

“Because I knew you’d say no,” Chris admitted.

“So you’re kidnapping me? Some friend you are,” Josh said, slumping in his seat and crossing his arms.

“I’m sorry, dude,” Chris said. “Do… do you want me to take you back home, then?”

“No, whatever, it’s fine.” Josh scowled at the little air bag symbol etched into the dashboard in front of him.

They arrived at the bagel place, and Sam and Ashley were already sitting at a little table by the window. Sam’s bagel had sprouts on it, which Josh thought was absolutely appalling. In simpler times, he would’ve teased her about it. Now, he just shoved his hands in his pockets and eyed her warily.

“Hi guys!” Ashley said too brightly as the boys approached the table. She and Sam were both smiling, and Chris had a grin plastered on as well. Josh managed to not look miserable or angry, and that was about as good as it was going to get.

“How’ve you been, Josh?” Sam asked as he sat down across from her. Her tone was light, despite it being a question with a loaded answer. Everyone was acting so weird and casual and chipper, as if the last time they’d all been together _hadn’t_ been immediately post-mountain adventure from hell.

“Fine I guess,” he said, shrugging. _Just overwhelmed with the horrifying guilt that I literally murdered one of our friends and I have no idea where his body is, no big deal._ “Back on meds, so I’m not scary anymore,” he added

Ashley laughed uncomfortably, and Chris jabbed a finger into Josh’s side. Josh didn’t want to pretend to be okay, he just wanted to go home. But maybe if he stayed, and tried to act like a normal human being for once, then Chris would be happy. Chris would smile at him, a real smile, not that false one etched with concern just under the surface. That’d be worth it, Josh told himself. So he turned to Ashley and said, “So, Ash, you’re working at a pet store now, right?”

“Oh! Um, yeah, that’s right,” she said.

“Chris says you’ve got a lot of funny stories,” Josh prompted. She still looked like a deer in headlights. He tried again. “Well c’mon, got any good ones?”

“Um… let me think,” she said. “Oh, you know, actually, there was something pretty funny that happened the other day. Chris, I don’t think I told you this yet.” A genuine smile spread across her face and she giggled. “Okay, so there’s this dog we have, right? His name is Marvin, which is already hilarious…” She babbled on, and Josh spaced out, picking at the poppyseed bagel Sam slid in front of him. Chris and Sam found whatever Ashley was saying pretty hilarious, and soon the tension lifted.

“So have you guys been seeing Jessica’s Facebook statuses about Mike?” Ashley asked. Josh’s eyes widened, and he tuned back into the conversation.

Sam nodded. “God, it’s so sad. I’m really worried. It’s not like him to just up and vanish, you know?”

“But I mean, it’s _Mike_. He’s all… tough guy or whatever. He’ll be okay,” Chris said, though he didn’t sound too confident. Josh wanted to scream that no, Mike _really_ wouldn’t be okay. His palms were sweating and his stomach felt like a churning sea. He had to get out of here, right fucking now.

“I gotta pee,” he said, standing up quickly. He hurried to the bathroom and gripped the edge of the sink, looking himself in the eye in the grimy mirror. He looked like absolute shit. He decided he’d just have to sneak out of the bagel shop while the others weren’t looking, and then he’d hide away until the Shadow came to collect his sorry excuse for a soul. He poked his head out of the bathroom and saw that his three friends at the table were engaged in conversation again and not paying attention to where he was. Hunching his shoulders and weaving through tables, he slipped out the side door to the alley next to the restaurant unnoticed.

Now he’d just have to walk home. Not an enticing prospect, but he didn’t have much of a choice. He’d only made it a few paces when a voice behind him said, “Going somewhere?”

Josh turned around guiltily to face Chris, who was watching him with raised eyebrows. “Uh, yeah, I’m sorry, dude,” Josh said. “I’m really not feeling up for this.”

Chris sighed, stepping closer to him. “Was it because Ash brought up Mike?”

Josh swallowed hard. “I guess.”

“I know it’s been tough on everyone, him just vanishing without a trace like this. I mean, sometimes it kinda feels like… like it did last year, you know?” Chris said. Josh remembered all too well the futile search parties, the devastation on his mother’s face when they finally called them off. He knew exactly what the Munroes were feeling right now, and he was the cause. He wanted to throw up.

“Chris?” he said, his voice shaking more than he meant it to. “I think, um... I think I'm a bad person.”

“What?” Chris said, taken aback. “Don't say that, man. You're not.”

“What if I did something really bad?” Josh said, his voice barely a whisper.

Chris’s brow furrowed, and then he made a face like he understood. “Is this about the prank? What happened on the mountain?” It wasn’t, but Josh let him think it was. “Josh, listen to me. What you did, yeah, that was bad. But like, that doesn’t mean _you’re_ bad, you know? Sometimes good people do bad things, but that doesn’t make them... not good people. Am I making sense?”

“But maybe I'm _not_ a good person who does bad things. What if I'm just a bad person who sometimes does good things?” Josh said. Chris shook his head.

“You're a good person, Josh. I've seen it. You're just gonna have to trust me. Alright?” Chris said.

Josh nodded, embarrassed to realize a tear was tracking its way down his cheek. Chris reached out to brush it away with his thumb, keeping his hand against Josh’s face. Josh’s breath hitched; this was a far more tender, intimate action than he was used to. Chris seemed to realize this, too, because he quickly removed his hand, spots of color rising in his cheeks.

He cleared his throat and asked, “Do you want me to drive you home?”

“No, it’s fine. I don’t wanna take you away from like, socializing,” Josh said.

“Dude, how are you gonna get home? You plan on walking all that way?” Chris asked. Josh just shrugged sheepishly. “C’mon, let me take you,” Chris insisted. “We can hang out for a little bit too, if you want.”

“But what about Sam and Ashley? I’m sure they’d be better company, bro.”

“Josh,” Chris said, grabbing Josh’s arm and giving it a little shake. “I want to hang out with _you_ , okay? Sheesh. I made a promise, right? I’m not leaving you again.”

“I didn’t mean you were literally never allowed to leave my side,” Josh mumbled.

“Quit being difficult and just let me do what best friends do, okay?” Chris said. “Anyway, I already told Sam and Ash that I was leaving, so you’re stuck with me.”

As Josh looked at Chris’s earnest face, a hundred things flew through his head that he wanted to say, mainly variations of _I killed Mike and I’m dangerous and you should stay away from me._ All he said was, “Thanks.”

“You bet,” Chris replied, slinging an arm around Josh’s shoulders and steering him towards the parking lot. “Let’s get you home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friendship is magic~
> 
> next chapter the content warnings come back into play, don't you worry (or maybe do worry? you should probably worry)


	5. necessary evils

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad things come to those who wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is kinda Long and it took me a while to feel satisfied with it but i'm finally releasing it into the wild..... be free, very distressing chapter.... 
> 
> WARNINGS!!!!!: character death, some mentions of violence/gore (not too graphic), attempted suicide (yikes yikes yikes)  
> this one's.... intense. i think??? anyway. godspeed, pilgrims.

A week turned into two and then three, and soon a month had passed and Mike was still missing. Jessica’s posts about it had grown less and less hopeful, until she was only saying “Nothing new to report.” The search was still ongoing, but it seemed that they had nothing to go on. If Josh weren’t horrified by the whole situation, he’d be impressed with the Shadow’s ability to make a person disappear so completely.

But as it was, Josh _was_ horrified, and he looked and felt like a nervous wreck. His parents shot him concerned looks when he picked at his food and shuffled around in a daze. He hardly slept, rarely ate, and the Shadow’s presence always lurked in the back of his mind, the darkest corners of his bedroom. He decided to lock the pendant in his nightstand drawer; keeping it out of sight eased his mind.

He left the house for the first time in a while to go to a therapy appointment. His mother dropped him off. “I’ll be back in an hour, okay?” she said. “Unless you want me to come with you?”

“Why would I want that?” he said, coming off snippier than he meant to.

Melinda faltered. “I was just asking. I’m worried about you, sweetheart. You look… well, you look ill.”

“I’m fine, Mom,” he said. “I’ll see you in an hour.”

Dr. Walken smiled warmly when he came in and sat in the chair across from her. She always looked genuinely happy to see him. He liked Dr. Walken, even if he still didn’t think she’d be able to help him any more than any other therapist had. She was nice, and she rarely pushed him too far.

“Good afternoon. How are you today?” she asked him.

He shrugged. “Dunno. Okay, I guess.”

She nodded, but he could tell she didn’t believe him. “Anything in particular you want to talk about today?” she said. He shook his head. “Alright. Well, I wanted us to talk about something, then. I’ve been keeping up with the investigation of your missing friend, Michael Munroe?” She must’ve noticed the way Josh flinched at the name, because she said, “How are you feeling about all of this?”

“Um… I, uh…” he stammered, looking anywhere but at Dr. Walken. And then he noticed something, back in the corner behind his therapist’s chair, right beside her bookshelf. The Shadow was standing there, and the curve of its smile as it looked at Dr. Walken was wicked and hungry. Its empty pits of eyes met Josh’s, and it whispered, “Shhh.”

“Josh?” Dr. Walken prompted. “Are you alright?”

Oh _hell_ no, the Shadow was not about to make a gory murder victim out of Dr. Walken. “I… I have to go,” Josh said quickly, standing up.

“But your appointment just started,” she said, confused.

“I’m really sorry, doc. I’ll reschedule, I promise,” he said. Before she could argue, he hurried out of the room, stumbling onto the sidewalk outside of the office. He pressed the heels of his hands to his temples, massaging lightly. “Motherfucker,” he whispered. He tried to decide whether he should wait for his mom to return or just catch a bus or something. He shoved his hands in his pockets as he started to walk away from the therapist’s office, but something cold and hard brushed his fingers. He pulled his hand out of his pocket and there was the pendant. What the fuck.

“Oh, hi Josh!”

He startled, and saw standing in front of him was Ashley, a shopping bag on her arm and a shy smile on her face.

Son of a _bitch_.

Cramming the necklace back in his pocket, Josh stammered, “Oh, h-hey Ash.”

“Whatcha up to?” she asked.

“Um, I just got out of therapy,” he said, too nervous to come up with a lie. “I got out early so I’m waiting for my mom to pick me up.”

“Gotcha,” Ashley said, nodding. An awkward silence followed, and then she added, “How much longer til she gets here?”

“Like… forty-five minutes?” he said. Her eyebrows shot up.

“Oh my gosh! You know, I was actually just leaving. Want me to take you home? It’s on the way.” Her bright smile was back. He wished she would quit acting so nice. In any case, he had no desire to be alone with her, and not just because of his irrational jealousy that spiked whenever she was near. The presence of the Shadow in his therapist’s office and the necklace appearing in his pocket set his nerves on edge. It was better if he was alone.

“That’s okay,” he said tightly. Her smile faded.

“Well, then let me wait with you, at least,” she said.

He sighed. “Ash, really, it’s fine. You should go home.”

“No, I don’t want you to be by yourself,” she insisted. “After what happened to Mike… I don’t know, it just makes me nervous.”

Josh bit back a groan. Clearly there was to be no getting rid of her; he debated briefly which option would be better, having her wait with him or having her drive him home. He decided that driving would at least allow them to part ways faster, which was all he really wanted. Forcing a smile, he said, “You know, a ride would be nice.”

“Great! My car’s over here,” she said, hitching her shopping bag higher up on her arm. “I’m glad I ran into you, actually. Chris keeps saying he thinks we should spend more time together.”

“Does he now?” Josh asked distractedly, half-expecting the Shadow to pop up around every corner. They reached Ashley’s car and he got into the passenger seat while she started up the engine.

“Yeah, he thinks it’d be good for us since we had some, well he calls them ‘altercations,’” she said. Josh snorted, and Ashley let the conversation peter out after that. Josh pressed his face against the cool glass of the window as they drove. He was so, so exhausted, and there was a slow, soothing indie song playing from the speakers. His eyes drifted shut as the road bumped underneath them.

~~~

He woke up in his room, alone. It was dark, no light filtering through the window. He shot up immediately, dread heavy in his stomach. The pendant swung wildly around his neck. Josh yanked at it, trying to snap the cord, but it held fast. “Fucking shit motherfucking goddamn it!” he snarled, pounding his fist uselessly against his mattress.

“Language, Joshua,” chided the Shadow, emerging from the corner of the room to stand next to him. Josh whirled around, fury overpowering fear.

“You piece of shit! What did you do!” he shouted, rising from the bed. The Shadow smiled. It always _fucking_ smiled. It stretched out a hand, and two pendants dangled from its fingers.

“Just another addition to the collection,” it said calmly. “Oh, this one was delightful. She was terrified, and _such_ screaming. Would you like me to show you?”

“Fuck. You.” Josh was shaking, and his skin felt hot from rage. Images flashed through his mind in snapshot form — Ashley cowering in fear, Ashley with blood spilling down her front as she clutched her gaping wounds, Josh standing over Ashley’s body — but he shook his head, fighting the queasiness in his stomach.

“You should thank me,” the Shadow said lightly. “After all, now you can have dear Christopher all to yourself. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Don’t you fucking talk about him,” Josh said, and he swung his fist to punch the Shadow right in its stupid leering face. At the last moment, though, it vanished, and his knuckles collided with the wall. Pain shot through his fingers, and he clutched his poor hand to his chest, spinning in a little circle and hissing expletives.

When he recovered from the shock of the pain, he realized what he had to do. The Shadow couldn’t use him to kill people if he was dead. His mind raced, a plan quickly piecing itself together: he’d destroy his phone and his computer so there was no way he could contact anyone while under the Shadow’s influence, and then he’d drive out to some hole-in-the-wall motel in the middle of nowhere and blow his fucking brains out. It was the only way to keep everyone else from ending up dead. This realization made him feel strangely calm.

His parents were out late, as usual, so they weren’t there to see him go into the garage and get a hammer from the toolbox. He went back up to his room and smashed his phone and laptop to bits in the middle of his floor. Now he just needed a gun and a motel address. He realized belatedly that he should’ve looked up a motel _before_ he totaled his electronics. Sighing in irritation, he hurried to the study to use his dad’s computer. There was a cheap motel a couple miles outside town, one that looked shady enough from the reviews to ensure they wouldn’t check his luggage or discover he was bringing nothing but a gun in a duffel bag. He went back into his bedroom, digging around in his closet for his duffel. He banged his head against the back of the closet when he heard a familiar voice call out, “Josh?”

Emerging from the closet, he turned around to see Chris standing uncertainly in his bedroom doorway. “Hey man…” Chris said slowly, surveying the room and frowning at the busted computer and phone on the floor. “I tried to call you but you didn’t answer. I guess now I know why.”

“What do you want?” Josh asked sharply. Chris winced, coming into the room fully.

“I just wanted to check on you, I dunno,” he said, rubbing his forearm. “I haven’t heard from you today. Wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine,” Josh said. “How did you even get in here?”

“Dude, I’ve been coming to your house for like ten years. I know where the spare key is.” Chris stepped closer to him, eyeing the duffel bag in his hand. “You taking a trip?”

Josh sighed. “Chris, go home.”

“No,” Chris said stubbornly. “Tell me what’s going on. Why is all your crap broken?” His eyes landed on Josh’s hand, the knuckles bloodied and swollen. “Shit, what did you do to your hand?”

Josh clenched his fist, ignoring the way his hand smarted in pain, and hid it behind his back. “Nothing. It’s fine.”

“Josh…” Chris took another step forward, and Josh could smell his cologne and see the determination and worry in his eyes. His heart leapt to his throat. “Please, please don’t shut me out. Not this time.”

Josh had to distract him, had to stop him from asking questions. He did the first thing that came into his mind, frantic and desperate: he kissed Chris. Josh stepped forward and crashed their mouths together, noses bumping uncomfortably. Chris made a small noise of surprise in his throat, and Josh nearly growled in response. His hands slid down to Chris’s waist, fingers digging into his hips. He realized Chris was kissing him back, softer but just as eager.

Josh backed him up against the wall, and when he traced his tongue against the seam of Chris’s mouth, his lips parted easily. Chris was so pliant, so willing. Josh hated himself for this, because he’d wanted it for so long, but what did it matter? Josh had sold his fucking soul away, was planning on killing himself in a few hours. Not to mention he’d just fucking murdered Ashley. Ashley, who Chris could have been with, who Chris liked, who Chris deserved. Josh realized he’d be leaving Chris with no one.

The thought brought a sudden onslaught of tears to Josh’s eyes, and he tilted his head down so Chris couldn’t see his face, a whimper slipping out before he could stop himself. Chris, concerned, reached his hands out as if to caress him, or comfort him. Josh flinched, suddenly afraid of Chris touching him. If Chris touched him like that, he would lose his nerve and tell him everything, and that couldn’t happen. So he caught Chris’s wrists and pinned them against the wall above Chris’s head, moving to kiss him fiercely again. Distracted, Chris moaned softly into Josh’s mouth. Josh wished he could keep him like this forever, warm and wanting and _his_. But he had to leave, now, before he got too carried away and lost track of himself. He stepped back, releasing Chris’s wrists. Chris’s lips were puffy and pink, his cheeks flushed and his pupils wide and dark. Josh almost started crying again.

“You need to go home,” he said hoarsely. Chris frowned at him.

“What are you talking about? You… you can’t just… what?” He scrubbed at the back of his head, clearly frustrated. “You know what, no. You are not doing this again.”

“Chris, please,” Josh said, but Chris shook his head.

“Listen, after what happened to Hannah and Beth, you shut me out. And you know, I thought, hey, maybe this is what he needs. He needs his space. So I left you alone, I waited for you to come to me. And then after what happened in February, with the prank? I figured that was your way of telling me I’d fucked the hell up. And now you fucking… make out with me or whatever, and then you’re telling me to leave? I don't get it.” Chris took a deep breath, having said everything very fast.

“I don’t _want_ you here, Chris,” Josh said, voice shaking. “Get the hell out of my house, alright? Just go.”

For a moment he worried that Chris would continue to fight him, but he didn’t. His shoulders sagged, and he huffed out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, okay. When you figure out what the hell you want from me, let me know.” He pushed past Josh to the door, pausing in the doorway to look back. “I’m really sorry for being a shitty friend before, Josh. I’m trying to be better. Just… give me some direction, you know?”

Josh couldn’t meet his gaze, so he stared down at the floor, where the duffel bag lay forgotten. “Bye, Chris.”

He listened to Chris’s footsteps as they disappeared down the hall, heard the front door click open and then shut again. His sore hand throbbed. It took him a few minutes to collect himself, and then he sighed and crept into his parents’ room, into the closet where he knew his dad kept a gun. He fumbled around until his fingers brushed the chilling metal of the barrel, and then he pulled the pistol from the shelf and weighed it in his hands. He wondered if he really had the guts to go through with this. The images of Mike and Ashley, both gored and dead, burned on the back of his eyelids. He held the gun tighter in his fist. He had to do this.

When he went back to his room, he almost pissed himself, because Sam was climbing through his window. He dropped the gun on the floor behind him and shoved it with his foot further into the hallway. “What the hell?” he demanded.

“Hey,” she said casually, swinging her legs over the windowsill and appraising him. “How’s your night going?”

“What are you doing here?” he hissed. She clambered into his room and dusted herself off.

“Chris sent me,” she said simply.

“He left like 10 minutes ago. How did you get here so fast?”

“I can be a reckless driver when the situation calls for it,” she said, shrugging. “Anyway, Chris told me that you’re in a bad spot and you won’t talk to him, so he thought you might want to talk to me instead. You know, like you used to.” She looked so damn hopeful.

“Sammy….” He deflated slightly. “I didn’t… not talk to Chris because I wanted to talk to you instead. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just really need to be alone right now.”

Sam nodded. She was always so understanding. It took all he had not to let her pull him into a hug and keep him there. “So where are you going?” she asked.

He decided to tell her the truth; someone would need to know where to locate his body, right? “Just going to a motel for the night. I need to get away from all… this.” He gestured to his room.

“Okay,” she said. “That’s fair. But hey, will you call me in the morning? Just so I know you’re okay.”

He swallowed thickly. “Yeah, sure.”

“Promise?”

A moment’s silence, when their eyes locked and he knew before he opened his mouth that she would see right through his lie. “I promise.”

She shook her head ruefully. “I wish I could believe that.”

Josh smiled a bit despite himself. “Me too.”

 

Sam left through the window, and Josh moved on autopilot after that, afraid both of the Shadow returning and of losing his nerve. He locked the pendant in his nightstand drawer again, then put the gun in his duffel bag. He got in his car and drove, his whole body thrumming with anxiety. When he got to the motel, the sleepy man at the front desk gave him a room key and didn’t even make eye contact. Josh walked quickly to the room, tripping over his feet and fumbling to lock the door. He shoved the dresser in front of it for good measure, and then he sat down on the edge of the creaky mattress and pulled the gun out with shaking hands. He stared down the barrel, breathing harshly.

“Fuck,” he muttered, closing his eyes for a moment. The tip of the gun tasted weird when he put it to his mouth. He pondered how sadly inevitable this all felt. His finger fiddled with the trigger. _Sorry, Hannah and Beth. I really, really tried,_ he thought.

Click.

Lights out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: lol ur gonna have to wait and see my guy


	6. among the shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A deal's a deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well howdy! it's been a while (by my standards). i got busy with other things, and i gotta admit, this chapter was a real struggle for me. i have to thank [laura](http://archiveofourown.org/users/notyourbro/pseuds/notyourbro), [minh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/banhmi), and [bax](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Leaveitbrii/pseuds/Leaveitbrii) for helping me out with analyzing certain characters, even though i had to be super vague because i didn't wanna spoil anything. you guys are the bomb dot com. 
> 
> WARNINGS: character death, mentions of suicide attempts, violence/some gory imagery, general scariness (i think anyway????) have fun gang

The first thing Josh felt when he opened his eyes was confusion. How was he not dead? He distinctly remembered pulling the trigger of the gun in the motel room. Maybe this _was_ what being dead was like; darkness and an aching back. He blinked a few times, experimentally, and slowly the grogginess cleared from his brain and he could make out a few stars, the shadows of leaves dappling the moonless sky overhead. The whole sight felt too familiar. His chest tightened with fear, skin tingling as he regained awareness of himself. The pendant was icy against his sternum. There was something clutched in his hand. He lifted it to his face; placed in his palm, like it had been done deliberately, were Chris’s glasses.

He was up like a shot, eyes roaming the darkness of the woods around him and repeating _please please please_ over and over in his mind like a prayer. But then he saw the body, and any deluded hope shattered.

Chris was sprawled on his back, limbs flopped uselessly, face blank. His throat was slit, blood dribbling out of his mouth and down his chest. His eyes were open, glassy and empty. Josh reached out, hands gently cupping Chris’s cheeks and he babbled quietly, “No no no no no no.” A sob tore out of Josh’s chest, and he gripped the fabric of Chris’s shirt, shouting, “ _Fuck!_ ”

He knew before it spoke that the Shadow was behind him. “Such a pity,” it said. “But you left me no choice.”

Josh turned to face it, tears streaking his face and he could feel the blood, Chris’s blood, warm and wet on his hands. “Why him?” he said. “Why the fuck did it have to be him?”

“You tried to get out of our deal,” the Shadow said. “Did you think that little stunt with the gun would not have consequences? Did you think you could escape me?”

“I want out,” Josh said shakily. “I’m fucking done.”

The Shadow’s grin stretched. “Ah, but I have yet to give you what you asked for. Your sisters.”

“Enough,” Josh begged. “Just… fucking take me already.”

“Easy, Joshua. You’ve done well. Just look.” It moved away, and Josh saw something in the trees. Two figures stepped forward, appearing nervous and confused. Hannah and Beth were in front of him, and their expressions melted into relieved smiles when they saw him.

“Josh,” Hannah said, her voice gentle.

He got to his feet, hands outstretched towards them. “Oh my god,” he said. “It’s really you?”

“We were so scared,” Beth said. “It’s good to see you.”

He choked out a somewhat hysterical laugh. “I’m sorry,” he said. “God, I’ve missed you so much.” His hands found theirs. His sisters were alive, they could go home, and his parents would have them, at least.

Hannah and Beth’s hands were clammy in his. They didn't seem to mind the blood squelching on Josh's palms, and something about their touch sent a shiver up his spine. He looked at their smiling faces, and quite suddenly everything felt wrong. Their eyes were too dim, something sinister hiding behind the cloudy irises. He glanced down and saw two pendants, one on each of their necks. He dropped their hands. When he looked at their faces again, their smiles were too wide. They looked like —

“Oh dear,” the Shadow said, its long hand curling over Josh’s shoulder. “Seems you’ve figured me out.”

“These are not my sisters,” Josh said, stepping away from them. The twins continued to smile at him.

“I can’t  _wait_ to go home,” Beth said, and her voice sounded all wrong.

“We can call up all our friends,” Hannah agreed. “And give them _very_ special gifts.” Both of them giggled. They seemed to notice Chris’s corpse, and then they laughed even more. “Looks like Josh has a head start!” Hannah said.

“Who should we visit first?” Beth said. “Maybe we’ll call up Sammy…”

“No,” Josh said hoarsely. The Shadow’s hand was heavy on his shoulder, keeping him in place. “No, no, this isn’t right. You promised… you promised!”

“Well I’m afraid you placed your faith in entirely the wrong entity,” the Shadow said. When Josh jerked his arm away, the Shadow let him go, and he turned to face it.

“Go to hell,” he snarled.

“All in good time,” the Shadow said, laughing. Josh fumbled with the pendant, yanking it over his head and dropping it to the ground. “What do you think you’re doing?” the Shadow asked sharply.

“Fuck you,” Josh said, raising his foot to stomp down hard on the pendant. Before his foot could hit the earth, though, the Shadow’s eyes burned bright as headlights and it lunged at him with a whirlwind shriek, enveloping him in the dark and cold.

~~~

Everything around Josh was so pitch black that he couldn’t tell if he was standing, couldn’t tell which way was up or down. He had never been in darkness so complete, and it made his breath come funny to his lungs. He tried to move, but he felt no connection to his limbs. He had no voice, no body, nothing but the terror crawling around in his brain.

A figure blinked into existence in front of him. Beth. Not the scary Shadow Beth from before. This was his Beth, his little sister, wearing the clothes she’d had on the night she disappeared. She seemed to see him, move towards him in the void, but then her back snapped, body twisting unnaturally, and she disappeared. She was replaced by Hannah, whose limbs stretched until her bones popped out of her skin, face morphing into something inhuman. She became Mike, and Mike’s chest burst open. Then Mike was Ashley, blood spurting from punctures in her abdomen. Josh knew what had to be coming next — Chris appeared before him, and he just looked so sad. His throat slit open, and then he was gone. A moment later, Beth was back, and there was dread in her face before her spine snapped. Fresh horror washed over Josh as he realized he would have to sit through the cycle yet again.

_Stop, please stop hurting them,_ he tried to say, but he still could not speak. He had no eyes to close, no way to stop watching their deaths over and over. _You caused this_ , his brain reminded him. _It’s your fault they’re dead. All of them._

Finally, the bodies vanished, and the Shadow stood in their place. Somehow even in this darkness it loomed bigger than ever before, wide mouth and eyes bright and hot as furnaces. “Had enough?” it asked.

Josh’s voice returned to him. “Yes,” he said hoarsely. “Please stop.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely.” The Shadow sneered, and Josh became aware of his body again only because something was slowly enveloping it. Thick, tar-like sludge oozed from the base of the Shadow’s form, wrapping around Josh’s legs, sliding up his hips, covering him from the bottom up.

“Allow me to introduce you to true isolation,” the Shadow said, and Josh opened his mouth to speak, or maybe to scream, but the sludge poured down his throat and choked him, and then it was everywhere. Somehow, despite having been in the dark already, this felt so much worse. Perhaps it was because he could feel the sludge clinging to him inside and out, like it was not just on his skin but in his brain.

He remained that way for perhaps minutes, perhaps years, he wasn’t sure. Time lost all meaning. Josh thought that eventually the panic would pass, but it didn’t, and he stewed in it until at long last the tar melted away, and he sucked air into his lungs.

The unseeable darkness was gone, replaced by a strange sort of empty room, dingy grey walls, ceiling and floor. The Shadow was in front of him, and behind it, standing in a line, were Hannah, Beth, Mike, Ashley, and Chris.

Ignoring the Shadow entirely, Josh stumbled forward towards the others, but something stopped him, a kind of invisible wall that prevented him from getting too close. He pressed his hand up against the barrier, staring at them with desperate eyes.

The Shadow came up behind him. “How amusing,” it said. “You still think you might be able to win.”

“Let them go,” Josh said, turning around to face it. “You can do whatever the hell you want with me and my soul for eternity, just let them go.”

“It is you who brought them here.”

“Fuck that. I never wanted this.”

“But you did,” the Shadow said coolly. “Perhaps I nudged you along, but why do you think you killed the people you did? Because you wanted it that way. You think I am a monster? You are the monster, Joshua.” Its words made Josh’s skin prickle. “I waited for so long, down in the dark and the cold, for someone whose soul suited my needs. Someone full of hatefulness and cruelty. Someone like you.”

“Shut up! You’re wrong. You don’t know shit about me,” Josh said, but uncertainty quavered in his words.

“You think you know souls better than me?” the Shadow said, amused. “Well then. Perhaps we will play a little game. If you win, you and your friends are free. Your contract is nullified. If you lose… you are all mine. Forever.”

Josh glanced back at the others, who were all watching the scene unfold with various levels of fear on their faces. His eyes met Beth’s, and she nodded. Josh turned to the Shadow again, squaring his shoulders. What did he have to lose? “Fine. I’m down for a game. What is it?”

The Shadow waved a hand, and a narrow table appeared with a slim black box sitting on top. “Within this box, you will find six pendants. Six souls. All you have to do is give the right soul to the right person. If you get them all correct, you win. If not…” the Shadow trailed off, lifting its hands in a shrug. “Go on.”

Josh approached the table and peered into the box. Six identical pendant were inside, each attached to a thin black cord. “How the hell am I supposed to tell them apart?” he demanded. The Shadow smiled. Already feeling defeated, Josh picked up one of the necklaces.

Instantly, he was overwhelmed with a rush of sensations. A warm, sweet feeling of innocence washed over him, his chest swelling with compassion, and then a twisting feeling of longing followed. This continued to coil in his belly until it became more like anger, more like righteousness. The feelings faded and he stared down at the pendant with wide eyes. It felt familiar in his palm, but what he’d experienced while holding it… that wasn’t him. He looked up at his friends and sisters standing a few feet away. He knew whose this was. Josh approached Hannah, relieved to find that the invisible barrier had lifted. He pressed the pendant into her hand, eyes searching. _Is this right? Do I really know your soul?_

She didn’t say anything, and he didn’t either, but her fingers closed around his briefly, and he felt like he’d gotten it right. She released him and he went back to the box to pick up another.

This one also felt kind, though not as overwhelmingly so as Hannah’s had. There was a strong sense of will, a stubbornness that Josh could relate to, and a comforting sweetness that he couldn’t. There was also something colder, though it wasn’t strong, something unforgiving stirring just below the surface. Josh frowned for a moment, uncertain. He’d thought he knew who it was at first, but this last bit… maybe he didn’t know his friends as well as he thought. He walked over to Ashley, his initial guess, and handed the pendant to her. She looked nervous, like she knew what he’d felt. This must be hers. Josh had to admit, he was surprised to find that part of Ashley that could become so cold. It almost made him feel better to know she wasn’t perfect.

The next pendant he picked up, he knew instantly. It was familiar, too, but not in the way Hannah’s had been. It felt warm, easy and affable. There was a sense of responsibility, compassion mingling with self-doubt. There was insecurity, a stream of anxieties that intertwined with a need to be right. Pettiness, a sense of superiority, a brief flash of defensiveness. Josh knew who this was. He stood in front of Chris, wanting to speak but not knowing what to say, and not knowing if Chris would even be able to respond. So he just gave him the pendant and tried to fit all his apologies into that brief brush of hands. Chris caught his wrist for a moment and looked at him, that deep, searching gaze that always made Josh feel exposed. It only lasted a moment, and then Chris let go.

Three down, three to go. Josh was feeling confident, and that made him nervous. Shouldn’t this be harder? Or maybe the Shadow underestimated how good Josh would be at this. He glanced back at it, and it was watching him passively. He couldn’t tell if it was getting worried, or if everything was going according to plan.

Pendant number four. Brash, bold, loud, passionate, fiercely protective and loving. Josh had always seen so much of himself in Beth. But Beth’s anger was muted, tinged with a desire to forgive rather than retaliate — Josh had never seen that forgiveness in himself. When he gave Beth her soul, she smiled slightly. Encouraging him as always.

Two left. One for Mike, one for Josh. He picked up one of them, and knew immediately it wasn’t his. Still, he decided to let the sensations play out, just to see what Mike was really like. Cockiness, dishonesty, the desire to please and to be accepted. Insecurity an undercurrent to it all. There was a kindness there, too, a sense of dogged determination to protect and defend that was surprising to Josh. But maybe it shouldn’t have been — maybe he had become too used to seeing only the asshole version of Mike that best suited his revenge narrative. And it was certainly there, Josh could feel it coursing through him, but there was the potential for better, too. Josh gave the pendant to Mike, whose eyes were full of silent repentance. Josh nodded. He understood.

“Well,” he said, his voice coming out scratchy and soft after being quiet for so long. “I guess this one’s mine.” He picked it up.

Anger. Unbridled rage, irrational fury and hatred. Cold, calculating cruelty. Cowardice, jealousy… Josh waited, desperate for something good to follow the bad. Nothing came but a chilling sense of emptiness. Tears burned in his eyes. The Shadow had been right about him all along. There was no good in him.

“Well?” the Shadow said, slinking closer to him. “Is that your final answer?”

Josh looked at his friends, the people he’d dragged into this hell with him. Did he even deserve to go back with them, if this was who he truly was? His eyes met Chris’s. Chris, who always looked at Josh like he could really see him. Chris, who had told Josh he wasn’t a bad person. Dr. Walken’s words echoed in his mind: _You’re not as bad as you think you are._

Chris had told Josh he was good. Chris had also asked Josh to trust him. So he did. “No,” Josh said, turning to the Shadow.

“No?” it repeated.

“This isn’t my soul,” Josh said, holding up the pendant. “This is… this is what you want me to think my soul is. This is what you want me to become, so you can break me. But it’s not mine. Mine isn’t here. You were trying to trick me.”

The Shadow did not betray any emotion. Its eyes still burned hot and bright, jagged smile twitching. “I see. And is _that_ your final answer?”

_You’re just gonna have to trust me._ “Yes,” Josh said.

The Shadow shuddered, form shifting, and the pendant in Josh’s hand burst into pieces. Everything around them started to shake, rumbling as fissures appeared all along the walls. “You may think you’ve won, Joshua Washington,” the Shadow boomed, even as it flickered and its eyes dimmed. “But you are wrong! This is only the beginning.”

“Go fuck yourself,” Josh spat.

“We could’ve been great together, you and I,” the Shadow said thoughtfully. Josh could hardly hear it over the roaring of their strange reality collapsing. “We aren’t finished yet.”

Josh couldn’t feel anything but the quaking of the room. The Shadow’s voice stopped, but its words still hummed in Josh’s mind like an echo. _This is only the beginning._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter's in the works, i'll try to get it to you guys soon. <3


	7. not over yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twice the fun! Wait, did I say fun? I meant terror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all i just have to say a huge thank you to everyone for all your awesome responses to last chapter!!!! that was such a pleasant surprise, i've been really nervous about it from the beginning, because it's pretty different from what people were anticipating. i'm glad you liked it! i hope you'll like the rest of the fic, too. 
> 
> WARNINGS for this chapter: mostly just some scary imagery/violence

“Josh? Josh, can you hear me?”

Josh’s vision swam, something soft tickling his cheeks, and he groaned, squinting blearily at the face coming into focus above him. It was Ashley, leaning over him with a concerned expression, her hair falling down to brush his face. Her hand squeezed his shoulder.

“Ashley?” he said. She sighed in relief.

“Are you alright?” she asked him. He frowned, sitting up as she moved away from him. They were in the woods, the golden-pink light of early morning spilling onto the leafy ground. Josh was getting pretty damn sick of waking up in the woods.

“What… what happened?” he asked. He turned to Ashley again, taking in the fact that she was sitting beside him and not dead. “You’re alive?” he stammered.

She nodded. “Whatever you did, it worked. Do you remember? With that demon thing?”

“Yeah…” He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut against the headache that was quickly making itself known. “How’d we get back here?”

“I don’t know. That thing was yelling at you and then everything was shaking and then I woke up here.” Ashley hugged herself, looking around nervously. “I don’t know what happened to everyone else. But Josh, Hannah and Beth were there. Do you think—?”

“Hello? Anyone out here?” Mike’s voice came floating through the trees ahead of them, and Ashley got to her feet. Josh stayed sitting on the ground as Mike came into view, his arm around Chris. Josh’s heart stuttered in his chest. Chris’s eyes narrowed as he tried to focus on Josh and Ashley; he wasn’t wearing his glasses. Chris and Mike hurried over to meet the other two.

“Chris!” Ashley exclaimed, relieved.

“Ash,” he said, taking her outstretched hands. “It is you, right? I can’t see a goddamn thing.”

“Oh, I found these,” Ashley said, pulling Chris’s glasses out of her jacket pocket. “They were on the ground by Josh.” She gave them back to Chris.

“Glad you’re okay,” Mike said, reaching over to touch Ashley’s shoulder. He looked down at Josh. “Hey, man.”

Josh felt guilt flood him. “Hey.”

“That was, uh, pretty fucking terrifying, huh?” Mike said, shaking his head a bit. “I mean, I thought I’d seen the worst with the Wendigos, but shit. That was next level.”

Josh wondered when anyone was going to bring up the fact that he’d killed all of them, but Mike just reached out his hand to help Josh stand up. They all stood staring at each other, a thin thread of tension holding them in place. Josh’s eyes kept flickering down to where Ashley was still holding onto Chris’s wrist. She seemed to notice, and she let go, sticking her hands in the pockets of her sweater instead. Chris put his glasses back on, blinking a few times, and then he zeroed in on Josh.

“So. We made it out of there.”

“Guess so,” Josh said quietly.

“What was that thing?” Chris asked him. “That necklace you had, back on the mountain… has this been going on since then?”

“I didn’t know this is what would happen,” Josh said. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for any of you to get involved. I thought it was just going to take me.”

“Well, we can talk about it later,” Chris said. “Shouldn’t we get out of here?”

“No, not yet,” Ashley said. “What about the twins?”

“...I don’t think we’ll have to wait,” Mike replied, sounding awestruck and pointing over Josh’s shoulder. Josh turned around and saw Hannah and Beth staggering forward.

They looked shaken and afraid. At first, Josh didn’t move, eyes frantically scanning for any sign of evil pendants or too-big smiles. But nothing was amiss — they were just his sisters, living and breathing and only a little worse for wear, standing in front of him.

“Holy shit,” Chris breathed. Josh took a shaky step towards the twins, still cautious.

“Hannah? Beth?”

“Oh thank god,” Beth said, and she flung her arms around him. Hannah soon followed, and Josh felt the warmth of their bodies and the heaving of Hannah’s chest as she sobbed against him. He pressed his face against her shoulder. They were alive.

“It’s okay,” he said, holding them close. “You’re okay. Fuck, you’re okay.”

“I knew you could beat that thing,” Hannah sniffled.

Beth pulled back, looking into Josh’s face with concern. “You look so different,” she said. “What happened to you?”

“What do you remember?” Josh asked slowly.

“Well, I remember there was some stupid prank at the lodge,” Beth said. Josh heard Mike clear his throat uncomfortably behind them. “I was looking for Hannah, and then there was this monster, in the woods. We fell. I — I don’t know what happened next. Everything was dark and then we were with that demon thing. Now we’re here.”

“Shit,” Mike said quietly. “They don’t know.”

“Know what?” Beth said, an edge to her voice.

“It’s been a year,” Hannah said softly. Everyone stared at her. She cringed, and Josh squeezed her shoulder. “I remember… awful things.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Josh said. “You’re here now. None of that matters anymore.”

“So it’s over,” Chris said, gazing around as the sun slowly flooded the forest with light. “All the nightmare shit is finally done.” He turned to Josh. “Right?”

Josh frowned. “This feels… too easy.”

“Easy? How was anything about this easy?” Ashley demanded. Josh waved his hand at her.

“Shut up. That thing was powerful. The things it made me do… I just can’t see it being this simple.” A cold wave of realization hit him. “Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He let go of the twins, staring in the direction of home in horror.

“Josh?” Beth said. “What’s going on?”

“We gotta get back to the house, right now,” he said. The others just stared at him. “Come _on,_ we have to go!”

“Josh, slow down,” Chris said. “What is it?”

Sighing in exasperation, Josh said, “It told me that if I gave it my soul and did what it wanted, it would bring back the twins. Only it didn’t. It brought back these fucking demon versions of them that said they were going to kill all our friends. They’re probably at my house right now waiting to murder someone.”

“And you want us to go _towards_ them?” Mike asked. Josh scowled at him.

“We have to _stop_ them, idiot.” He dragged his hand down his face. “How the hell do you stop a demon?”

“Stabbing them in the heart is pretty standard,” Ashley offered. Josh blinked at her. “I read a lot of fantasy novels, okay?” she said defensively.

“Okay, whatever, it’s worth a try.” Josh beckoned them all forward. “Let’s get a move on, for fuck’s sake.”

They ran back through the woods until they reached the edge, and Josh could see his house just up the road. He was half-expecting it to be in flames or swirling with demonic clouds of smoke or something, but it stood normal as ever, the street quiet. Josh led the way up to the house, and his heart sank when he saw the front door was ajar. Not a good sign. He peered around the edge of the doorway, but the house appeared empty. The six of them filed inside.

“What now?” Mike asked. Ashley shushed him, looking around worriedly.

“Are you really gonna stab them in the heart?” Hannah said to Josh. He gritted his teeth.

“Don’t have much choice,” he said. They all froze when they heard footsteps crunching in the gravel outside. They turned, and Sam was standing in the doorway.

“Hey Josh,” she said, coming into the foyer. Josh’s eyes widened.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he said frantically. She furrowed her brow.

“You texted me,” she said, holding up her phone.

“My phone is busted.”

“I know. You said you got a new number. Wanted me to come over…” She trailed off, seeming to notice the others for the first time. “Mike! Oh my god, when did you get back? We’ve all been so worried about you, what the hell were you thinking?” Then her eyes fell on the twins, and she covered her mouth with one hand, staring at them.

“Sam, you need to get out of here,” Josh insisted.

“How is this happening?” she said, not looking away from the twins. “What the hell is going on?”

“I’ll tell you later, but you need to leave,” Josh said. “You’re not safe here.”

“Fuck that, tell me right now!” she demanded.

“No need to get angry,” a simpering voice crooned, and the door slammed shut of its own accord. Everyone turned to see the other Hannah, the Shadow Hannah, standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Her smile was wide, eyes clouded. A pendant hung from her neck, and in her hand was the crooked dagger. Sam looked from Shadow Hannah to the real Hannah.

“What the fuck,” she mumbled. Mike stepped in front of her protectively. No one else dared to move.

“Back off,” Josh said to Shadow Hannah, hating the way his voice quavered. He was terrified. “It’s over, okay? We’re done. Just leave us alone.”

“Oh, Joshy…” Shadow Hannah ran one finger along the knife’s blade. “You’re such a funny, funny boy. And now I’m afraid you’re going to die.”

“Run!” Josh yelled, and the group scattered into different directions. Josh ran into the living room, scanning for something to stab the demon with. He spotted the fireplace set, several long iron pokers on the stand. He made a beeline for them, but a shriek stopped him in his tracks. He wheeled around, rushing towards the kitchen. Shadow Beth had knocked Ashley to the ground, and was now standing over her with a sinister sneer.

Sam was in the doorway on the other side of the kitchen, and she grabbed a mug from the table and pitched it at Shadow Beth’s head. “Leave her alone!” she shouted. Shadow Beth’s attention snapped to Sam.

Panic filled Josh’s chest and he shouted, “Hey!” Shadow Beth turned around to see Josh standing behind her.

“Got you,” she said, and Josh backed away from her, glancing behind him at the fireplace. It was still so far away. He kept moving, Shadow Beth leisurely keeping pace until Josh was backed up against the fireplace. His hand scrambled for one of the pokers, and then he brandished it at Shadow Beth like a sword.

“Keep the fuck away from me,” he snarled. Shadow Beth laughed. Shadow Hannah came out to join her, and they stood before Josh with matching grins.

“Don’t be so silly, Josh,” Shadow Hannah said. Josh lunged at her with the poker, but Shadow Hannah raised a hand, and Josh jerked to a halt. A thick rope of smoke wrapped around his waist and slammed him back against the fireplace.

“You really thought you could stop us?” Shadow Beth said. Her voice was two-toned, a deep growling underneath the sickly sweet of her regular voice. It was like one of his nightmares come to life.

“What hope does a pathetic, scared little boy have against us?” Shadow Hannah said, her voice similarly terrifying. Josh struggled against the bonds that held him, but he couldn’t break free. His foot kicked out, sending the rest of the fireplace set scattering across the floor. Shadow Hannah came closer, and he tried to jab at her with his poker, but she slashed at his hand with the dagger. He dropped the poker with a yelp of pain. Blood spilled from his fingers. Shadow Hannah’s eyes burned bright.

“Josh!” Chris staggered into the room, followed quickly by the rest of the group.

“Keep back!” Josh called to them. “Get out of here!”

“Let him go!” Sam said. The Shadow twins just cackled.

“You know something?” Shadow Beth said idly. “That soul you picked up may have been false, but your real soul is even worse.”

“It’s true,” Shadow Hannah agreed. “At least that soul made you seem strong. You’re not strong, Josh. You’re weak. You’re a cowardly little worm, and we are going to crush you.”

“Don’t listen to them,” Chris shouted. Josh squirmed as the Shadow twins got closer and closer. His heart pounded wildly.

“Your soul is mine,” the Shadow twins said in unison, and their voices were deep and roaring, eyes blazing and forms shuddering. Josh closed his eyes, cringing away from the inevitable stab of the knife —

And then there was a screech of agony, and Josh opened his eyes to see iron pokers jutting out from Shadow Hannah and Shadow Beth’s chests. Billowing smoke poured from their open mouths, black ooze spurting from their wounds. As the Shadow twins slumped forward, Josh saw the real twins standing behind them. Each of them clutching one of the pokers that were embedded in the demons. The Shadow twins writhed, bodies twisting unnaturally, and then they turned to sludge and smoke, a shrinking puddle on the floor that soon vanished.

The bonds that held Josh disappeared, and he fell to the ground with a thud. Hannah and Beth dropped their pokers and rushed to crouch at his side. The others were watching anxiously from the kitchen doorway. Josh’s breathing came in harsh gasps, his body aching with exhaustion. Pain pulsed through his injured hand.

A clattering drew everyone’s attention to the front door. Bob and Melinda stood there, gaping in shocked horror at what they had just witnessed. Melinda had dropped her bag to the floor.

“Mom? Dad?” Hannah said, getting to her feet.

“What…. the _fuck_ was that?” Bob said hoarsely, staring at the spot where the demons had dissolved.

“It’s kind of a long story,” Josh said, wincing as he tried to stand. Beth helped him up.

Something about seeing all three of their children standing before them seemed to shake Bob and Melinda into action. They crossed the room in quick strides to grab their children in an embrace. Josh’s face was smushed uncomfortably against his father’s shoulder, and Hannah’s elbow was in his ribs, but he didn’t care. This, _this_ is what he’d wanted all along. This is what he’d sold his soul for.

He lifted his head enough to see Sam, Mike, Ashley, and Chris still standing in the doorway. Ashley looked like she might cry. Mike had his arm around Sam, and they both looked relieved. Chris caught Josh’s eye, and he smiled reassuringly. Looking at all of them, the people he’d endangered, the people he’d killed — how could they stand to be near him, let alone look at him with such fondness? He tore his gaze away from them, swearing to himself then and there that he would stay away from them from now on. The thought was painful, but he’d made up his mind. It was the only way to keep them safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think there will probably be like, just a couple more chapters??? but honestly who knows where this fic will take me so we'll play it by ear.


	8. aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're only as good as the people you consider your friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! here we are, gettin' close to the end. 
> 
> only warning for this chapter is mild ableist language, but it is in the context of josh calling someone out for using those words. 
> 
> (side note the chapter bio is from "a small list of things that i normally would hide" by flatsound. very good, very josh.)

How do you explain to your parents that a soul-snatching demon brought your dead sisters back to life? To Josh’s surprise and relief, Bob and Melinda believed him with greater ease than he’d anticipated. This was largely due to the fact that they had seen the demons dissolve into nothing in their own living room. It was hard to find another explanation. The twins themselves were evidence enough. It was quickly decided that they would tell the public they had found the twins during a final search of the mines, after the events on the mountain in February. It wasn’t entirely convincing, but Bob and Melinda had gotten quite good at deflecting personal questions and keeping their family out of the public eye.

Of course, everyone who had been at the lodge knew there had been no final search. It wasn’t long before they found out about the demon. At least, that’s what Josh heard happened. He hadn’t been talking to anyone. After his parents had relinquished their holds on Josh and his sisters, they’d noticed his injured hand and rushed him to the hospital to get stitches. The wound had been a bit of a problem, because the stitches kept dissolving and nothing the doctors did seemed to keep them together. Josh suspected this had something to do with the evil nature of the knife, but that wasn’t something he could suggest to his doctor. Eventually, the bandaged wound sealed up on its own, leaving a long, silvery scar across his hand.

When he’d gotten out of the hospital, Chris was waiting at his house. He was sitting on the short wall around the porch, tapping his foot against the bricks. Bob and Melinda had left the two of them alone. Josh hadn’t even made eye contact, staring at Chris’s sneakers instead.

“How’s your hand?” Chris asked, voice gentle and calm.

“You should go,” Josh blurted. Chris’s foot stopped moving. Josh held his breath.

“Please stop doing this,” Chris said.

“I don’t want to see you right now,” Josh said.

“Well then when?” Chris didn’t sound angry, not yet, but the edge was there. “Can you at least look at me for a second?”

“Just go,” Josh said, clenching his hands into fists. “Chris, I am begging you. Leave.”

Chris hopped off the wall, and Josh watched as his legs moved closer. Chris put his hand on Josh’s shoulder, and Josh flinched away. A sigh, and then Chris said, “Okay, Josh. Okay.”

That was the last time Josh talked to Chris. It had been well over a month, and he’d spent most of it alone. Sam was over almost every day to see the twins, but she didn’t try to come up to see him. As far as he knew, no one else had been to see the twins since they’d come home. Cowards.

Having Hannah and Beth back… it was like a whole new life for the family. His mother seemed to glow, smiling all the time. Bob didn’t go away for work as often; it was weird for Josh to see his father sitting at the breakfast table almost every morning. And of course, Hannah and Beth brought their own light back into the house. Their rooms were occupied again, music coming from Beth’s slightly opened door in the afternoons, Hannah’s fairy lights twinkling at night. Josh was with them often, sometimes hardly able to keep himself from staring at them. He couldn’t believe they were really there.

~~~

Josh never liked deja vu. It made him feel like his grasp on reality was off-kilter, and it always unsettled him. So when he looked up to see Sam clambering through his window once again, he wondered briefly if he was losing it. When that thought passed, he scowled in annoyance.

“What’s up,” she said, sitting on his windowsill.

“Are you kidding me?” he said. “If this is going to become a habit of yours, I swear I’ll nail the window shut.”

“Well if you came out of your room once in a while, I wouldn’t have to resort to such methods,” she quipped.

Josh sighed. “What do you want, Sam?”

“I’m here to bust you out of your self-imposed jail cell, my friend,” she said. “Come downstairs and hang out with me and your sisters. It’s good for your health.”

“No thanks,” he said. Sam frowned at him.

“I’m not asking, Josh, I’m telling you. Get up, let’s go.”

“Sam, just stop, okay? I get that you think you’re making things better, but you’re really not. You have no idea what I’m going through.”

“Well then help me to!” she exclaimed. She seemed quite angry. “I mean, Jesus Christ, Josh. You don’t always _have_ to keep all your pain locked up inside of you until you end up pulling shitty pranks that almost kill your friends.”

Her words stung, but she had a point. He hung his head. “... ‘m sorry, Sam.”

Some of the anger left her frame, and she hopped off the windowsill to sit next to him on the bed. “I don’t know what you’re feeling, but you’re not alone, okay? You never were.”

He let out a shaky breath. “Maybe.”

Sam reached for his hand, and he let her take it. She touched his scar lightly. “So I’ve heard what happened, you know, when that demon thing had you all. What it made you do. I can’t even imagine how scary that must’ve been.”

“Yeah,” he said. “It was pretty awful.”

“And… you got to see what everyone’s souls were like?” Sam said. He nodded. “Jeez. That’s so crazy. I wonder what mine would’ve been like.”

“Well next time I get possessed by a murder demon I’ll be sure to get you in on it,” Josh said irritably. Sam frowned, and Josh let the venom dissipate from his voice. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she said.

“Anyway,” he added after a moment. “I can already tell you what your soul’s like. A perfect nurturing mama bear.”

She snorted. “Cute.” Her grip on his hand tightened. “I’m not perfect, Josh.”

“Close enough.”

“I’m being serious. I’ve done bad things too.”

“Name one bad thing you’ve ever done in your life,” he said, disbelieving. “And nothing stupid like ‘one time I accidentally ate something that wasn’t vegan.’”

“Fine. In February, back in the mines? When me and Mike found you?” Her voice was soft, pained. It appeared she’d been wanting to say this for a long time. “When I left you guys, I… I knew you probably wouldn’t make it back. I knew there was a good chance you both might die, and that if Mike had the opportunity, he’d leave you to save himself. I _knew_ , and I just… I went anyway. I didn’t care what happened, I wanted to survive. I was willing to let two of my closest friends die.”

Her voice shook, and Josh bumped her with his shoulder. “Hey, I mean, everyone wanted to get out of there alive. And it’s not like I’d done much to earn your compassion that night.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “I was selfish. And maybe — maybe if I hadn’t left you two alone down there, you wouldn’t have been taken and then you never would’ve sold your soul and none of this would’ve happened.” She sounded close to tears.

“Sam…” Josh didn’t know what to say, so he let her cry for a minute. She soon composed herself, and then she let go of his hand.

“Guess nobody’s perfect,” she said.

“Yeah,” he said. “Nobody’s all bad either, though.”

“No heroes or villains,” Sam said. “Just people.”

“That’s deep, Sammy. I’m moved.”

“Shut up,” she said, and she almost smiled. “So will you come downstairs?”

“I guess,” he said. They both stood up, and when they opened the door, Melinda and Hannah were on the other side. Hannah’s fist was raised as if she’d been about to knock.

“Oh hey Sam!” she said, grinning and reaching out to grab Sam’s hand. Sam smiled back. Melinda’s fingers brushed Hannah’s shoulder. She did that a lot lately, as if to reassure herself the twins were real.

“What’s going on?” Josh asked his mother.

“You’ve got company,” she said. “Hannah told me you’d actually be coming down to visit this time.”

Josh shot Hannah a confused look before he spoke again. “You mean Sam?”

“No, dear. Mike and Ashley are here,” Melinda said.

“They brought donuts!” Hannah added. Josh’s palms were suddenly very clammy.

“I don’t want to see them,” he said. Sam gave him the hairy eyeball.

“You said you’d come downstairs with me,” she reminded him.

“I didn’t know you were trying to trick me!” he snapped. Hannah raised her hand.

“Hey, no fighting,” she said. “Sam, why don’t you go downstairs. We’ll be right down.” She said this last bit with a pointed look at Josh. Sam and Melinda both left, and Hannah leaned against the doorframe.

“Why’re you making me do this?” Josh asked her.

“Why won’t you do it?” she countered.

“Because I _killed_ them, Hannah!” he hissed.

She didn’t seem deterred by this. Instead, she said, “I remember a lot from last year. Back when I was… well. You know. I terrorized everyone. I know I killed someone. I almost killed you. My own brother.”

Josh looked into his sister’s slightly glassy eyes and realized that, more than anyone else, Hannah understood him. She’d been a monster, too. “Han, that wasn’t your fault. Hell, that wasn’t even _you_. Maybe it was your body, but… that was the Wendigo, you know? You can’t blame yourself for what you did when you were possessed by some monster spirit.”

Hannah gave him a knowing look, eyebrows raised, and waited. Realization hit him and he rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay. I see what you’re doing.”

“You didn’t kill them, Josh. The demon did.”

“Sure.”

“Come downstairs?” she wheedled. “They really want to see you.”

And he relented, because he couldn’t say no to Hannah.

The sight of Mike and Ashley sitting on his back patio was enough to set his anxieties ablaze again, but Hannah had a firm grip on his elbow as she steered him out the back door and into a seat next to Beth. A box of donuts sat open on the table in the middle.

“Hey Hannah,” Mike said, faux casual. Hannah sat down next to Sam and glanced at Mike.

“Michael,” she said coolly. Josh had never been more proud. Mike looked sheepish.

“Sorry for just dropping in like this,” Ashley said. “We would’ve come earlier, but things have been… weird.”

“Well, you’re here now,” Beth said. “That’s better than nothing.”

“Where’s Chris?” Sam asked.

Ashley tugged nervously on a strand of her hair. “He said he didn’t want to come.” Josh tried to pretend these words didn’t cut painfully in his chest. Ashley continued, “So we’ve been talking a lot lately, and we think… well.” She gave Sam an imploring look.

“We think we should talk about what happened. You know, for closure,” Sam said. Josh squirmed in his seat.

“Do we have to?” he asked.

“I was all for pretending nothing happened and suppressing our feelings forever, but the girls insisted,” Mike said. Josh almost smiled; he and Mike had been really good friends once. Sometimes he forgot that.

“So are you here to tell me you hate me or something?” he asked. Everyone stared at him, but he focused on Mike and Ashley. “I don’t remember anything about when I… killed you. But I’m sure you do, so I understand.”

Ashley spoke first. “I remember. But that wasn’t you. That was the demon.”

“But it looked like me. It was using me.”

“I mean, kind of,” Mike said. “But like, I dunno, man. You didn’t really look like yourself. Your face got all… different. It didn’t seem like you anymore.”

“The demon killed us,” Ashley said, “but you’re the one who got us out.”

“Maybe we should talk about what happened in February,” Sam prompted. Josh frowned. That was even worse than talking about the demon thing. He had nothing supernatural to blame for the decisions he’d made _that_ night.

“What’s there to say?” he asked.

“You could say you’re sorry,” Mike said pointedly. He paused, then said, “You are, right?”

Josh hadn’t given this as much thought as he maybe should have in the past few months, but the whole demon possession thing had kept him distracted. After a moment’s deliberation, he said, “I mean… I am, but I’m also not. I get that I went a little too far, but —”

“A _little_?” Mike interrupted. “Josh, you almost got us all killed.”

“Okay but that part wasn’t my fault!” Josh said.

“You drugged me and Chris,” Ashley said. “You chained us up and made us think we were going to die. You chased Sam around the lodge while she was naked!” She gestured wildly at Sam. “That was fucked up, Josh! How can you justify that?”

His face flushed. “Don’t you think this is a little bit of the pot calling the kettle black?”

“Oh my gosh,” Ashley said. “What we did is nothing compared to what you did to us!”

“Really? You’re gonna sit here with my sisters that you killed and say that?” he said icily. Ashley’s mouth snapped shut. Mike stared resolutely at the untouched donut box on the table. The twins said nothing. “You’re not better than me,” Josh said finally.

“We never said that,” Mike said.

“No, of course you wouldn’t. You’ll just say I’m ‘out of my fucking tree’, that I’m a ‘psycho’.” The words felt sour on his tongue. “You think I don’t remember that shit? And maybe I am crazy. But I held your souls in my fucking hands, so you can get right off that pedestal, alright? I know exactly what you’re capable of.”

“Josh,” Beth said softly. She touched his arm. He hadn’t realized it, but his voice had raised to a shout. He cleared his throat, a little embarrassed by his outburst.

“Still think talking about it was a good idea?” Mike muttered. Ashley elbowed him.

Josh looked at the two of them, two people he’d once considered close friends before they took his sisters away from him. He was so overwhelmingly exhausted. With Hannah and Beth beside him, his anger was a lot harder to sustain. The fight left him suddenly, a year and a half’s worth of rage draining out of him in a rush. It was like Sam had said: no heroes, no villains. Just people.

“When I say I know what you’re capable of,” he said, “I don’t just mean the bad shit. You both have a lot of good stuff in there. I’m… I’m sorry I brought out the worst in you.”

“I’m sorry we brought out the worst in you, too,” Ashley said quietly.

“And I’m sorry we hurt you,” Mike added. “All of you.” His gaze lingered on Hannah, whose eyes were sad when she turned away.

For a few minutes they all just sat there. Then Mike surreptitiously leaned forward to grab a donut, which caused a chain reaction and soon everyone was devouring the entire box. By the time they’d finished, Josh felt a little better, a little freer. That is, until Ashley noticed the scar on Josh’s hand and gasped.

“What?” he asked, pulling his sleeve over his hand self-consciously.

“You’ve got one, too,” she said. When he continued to look confused, she went on. “I’ve got scars like that. On my stomach, where you — I mean, where the demon stabbed me.”

“Same here,” Mike said, gesturing to his chest. “They just appeared one day. Didn’t tell anyone, though. My parents still think I had a slight mental breakdown and ran away for a month. I don’t know how I’d explain some giant scars.”

“That’s so weird,” Sam said. “Must be a demon thing, right?”

“I guess,” Mike said. “Freaky shit, if you ask me.”

“There’s so much out there,” Ashley said. “I mean, Wendigos, demons… I hate it. I wish I didn’t know.”

“S’okay,” Mike said, patting her shoulder. “We’re all safe now. The Wendigos got burned to a crisp and that demon got fuckin’ skewered.”

“Yeah,” Josh said, wishing he could feel as confident as Mike sounded. “It’s gone.”

~~~

That evening, Josh fell asleep watching a movie on his dad’s computer (a stand-in until he could get a new one), and only woke up when he heard the laptop clatter as it fell off his bed. He swore, blinking groggily and leaning over the side of his bed to grab it. Under the frame, though, he saw something shiny. A cold chill went through him at the sight of it. He scrabbled at it with shaky fingers until they closed around it, icy and smooth. The pendant.

“You gotta be _kidding_ me,” he whispered. Upon closer inspection, he saw that the stone was cracked right down the middle, chipped and duller than before. It looked about ready to fall apart.

“Nice to see you again, Joshua,” the Shadow’s voice said behind him, and Josh turned around with wide eyes. “I can tell the feeling is not mutual. I don’t blame you for that.”

The Shadow looked very different from when Josh had last seen it, when it had been larger than life and swirling with terrifying energy. Now, it was barely more than thin wisps of smoke, its smile flickering in and out of existence. It looked weak.

“Why are you still here?” he demanded.

“You cannot kill a demon, Joshua,” the Shadow said. “Really, you couldn’t have believed it was so easy.”

“You’re not looking too good,” Josh said. “I’d say we did some damage.”

The Shadow chuckled, deep and chilling. “That you did. I don’t have much energy left in this form.”

“What happens when it runs out?”

“I return to the mountain. Until I find another, more willing partner.” The Shadow’s grin gleamed for a moment. “The cycle continues. But first, I had one more question for you.”

“Get fucked,” Josh said. The Shadow laughed again.

“Listen to me, Joshua. We could still join together. You could use my power however you wish. Imagine what you could accomplish. Anything your heart desires could be yours. No one could hurt you ever again.”

He stared at it incredulously for a moment. “You’re kidding me, right? Why the hell would I _ever_ do anything like that? After what you did to me, to my friends?” He shook his head. “You’re batshit. Now get the fuck out of my room.”

“Pity,” the Shadow said. “I’ll see you again, Joshua Washington. One day, you’ll find your way back to me.”

With that, the stone in Josh’s hand burst into pieces, and the Shadow flickered out of sight. Josh realized how cold his room had been these past weeks. With the pendant finally gone, warmth filled the space. He sighed, flopping back against his pillows. One thought would not leave his mind.

He needed to see Chris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: Who Knows


	9. the deal, part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Smile, the worst is yet to come.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsvHC9UMrGs&ab_channel=LilysWorld)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man i hate ending fics it is so HARD
> 
> many of you thought i was gonna be a jerk and end this in tragedy..... well now's the time 2 see if u were right!! side note, the song that the chapter's description came from (it is linked!) is basically what i listened to on repeat while writing this chapter and i think it fits pretty well 
> 
> ENJOY!! no specific warnings for this chapter~~~

“Your nightmares are getting pretty bad, huh?”

Beth’s voice came from a silhouetted figure in the doorway, and Josh let out a very undignified shriek, pulling his blankets up to his chin as he sat pressed up against the headboard. Beth stepped forward into his room, shushing him and holding up her hands in surrender.

“Shhh, relax, it’s me,” she said. Josh sighed, unclenching his hands from around his comforter. Beth sat down on the edge of his bed.

“I thought you were a hallucination,” Josh muttered. “Or… something worse.” He’d been increasingly on edge in the days since the Shadow had disappeared from his room. He hadn’t told anyone about that final visit, not wanting to burden anyone else with his fear.

“Shit. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” He rubbed his face, trying to rid the drowsiness from his mind. “Was I talking in my sleep or something?”

“You were kind of shouting, actually,” Beth said. She placed her hand on his arm. “What were you dreaming about?”

He closed his eyes, remembering. He’d been running down a darkened corridor, and he knew the Shadow was behind him, soon to catch him and tear him apart. Somewhere ahead of him, he’d seen Chris, and he’d known somehow that Chris could help him escape. He’d reached out, but his feet were stuck, and he couldn’t move any further. He’d called to Chris, begged him to come help, and Chris had stayed where he was, unmoving.

“You can’t keep expecting me to save you, Josh,” Chris had said.

“You promised you wouldn’t leave me!” Josh had cried. Chris had just smiled.

“I’m right here,” he’d said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Josh woke with a knot of emotions tangled in his chest, and then Beth had scared the living shit out of him. He looked at her in his dim room now and shrugged. “Just usual scary dream shit. Nothing to write home about,” he lied.

“Don’t give me that,” she said. “You were dreaming about the demon again, weren’t you?”

He was quiet, and then said, “So what? It’s probably nothing.”

“I’m worried about you,” Beth said. “I just want you to be okay. I want you to be happy.”

“I am happy,” he said. “You and Hannah are alive, you’re home. Of course I’m happy.”

“You and I both know you were unhappy way before Hannah and I disappeared,” Beth protested.

“Well, what am I supposed to do about that?” he grumbled. “I see my therapist, I take my medicine like a good boy. What else do you want me to do?”

“You were saying Chris’s name,” Beth said gently. “In your sleep. You miss him, Josh. What are you waiting for?”

He shook his head. “It’s hard to explain. I just — every time Chris and I have had a fight or I’ve been in a bad spot, I push him away and he comes back. That’s just how it is.”

“You can’t just wait around for him to come to you,” Beth said. “I mean, that doesn’t seem very fair.”

Josh thought about his dream again. He knew Beth was right, just like he knew the Chris in his dream was right. He was being unreasonable. It didn’t make the prospect of making the first move any less terrifying. “You talk to him lately?” Josh asked.

“No,” Beth said. “Ashley said she has, though.”

“Oh,” Josh said. “Are they together now or something?”

Beth let out a small, exasperated snort of laughter. “No, you dingus. God, please quit being such a jealous little shit and go see him.”

“Being a jealous little shit is all I know,” Josh said, only half-joking. Beth stood up, the mattress creaking as she did so.

“Go see him tomorrow. You don’t have to lose him, you know.”

He didn’t fall asleep until long after Beth left him alone.

~~~

Josh hadn’t been to Chris’s house in more than a year, but an entire childhood spent running around on the lawn with squirt guns and melting army men on the sidewalk meant that the place felt as familiar as if he’d been there just yesterday. He took a moment to breathe in the memories before he knocked on the front door.

Chris’s mom answered. She was a sweet woman, a little thinner and more worn than he remembered her being, but still petite and blonde and with the same kind eyes as her son. Her expression went from pleased to hesitant upon seeing him.

“Hi,” he said, his voice raspy. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Um, hello.”

“Hi, Josh,” she said. She didn’t sound unhappy to see him, just confused. “How are you doing, honey? It’s been so long.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that,” he said. “I’ve been working through some stuff.”

“I know,” she said, smiling sympathetically. “Sweetie, I am just so happy that the girls are back home. After all the terrible things that happened back in February, I was just so grateful the eight of you came back in one piece. When I heard the twins had been recovered too… well, it’s like a miracle, isn’t it?”

Josh smiled tiredly. “Sure is. So, uh, is Chris home?”

Her expression faltered a bit. “He’s up in his room. You can go on up. Will you be staying for dinner? I’m making macaroni, I know you like that.”

“I might stay. Thanks.” Josh stepped into the house, glancing up at the staircase. He remembered the time he and Chris had taken an air mattress and slid down the stairs on it over and over until a bad landing had left Chris with a bloody nose and Josh with a bruise on his forehead that took weeks to fade. Steeling himself, he took the stairs two at a time and made his way to Chris’s bedroom door.

It was already ajar, and when Josh peered inside he saw that Chris wasn’t there. He was probably in the bathroom or something. Josh stepped into the room, looking around. It was how he remembered, cluttered desk and shelves full of weird knick-knacks and computer parts. He sat down gingerly on the bed, running a hand along the threadbare comforter, the one Chris had had since he was fifteen.

Someone cleared their throat, and Josh looked up. Chris stood in the doorway, running his finger down the frame and not meeting Josh’s eyes.

“Hey,” Josh said quietly.

“Didn’t know you were coming,” Chris replied, picking at the chipping paint on the doorframe.

“Yeah, sorry. I figured, um, I should just talk to you in person.”

“Hmm,” Chris said. He finally looked up, and his gaze was scrutinizing. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I wanted to say… I’m sorry I pushed you away.”

“Which time?” Chris asked wryly.

“Every time. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you after my sisters disappeared. I’m sorry I keep locking you out and then expecting you to break the door back down.”

Chris swallowed hard, nodding. “I can’t keep doing it over and over, Josh.”

“I know that. I know. That’s why I came here.” He watched as Chris stepped all the way into the room, now standing awkwardly in the space between the doorway and the bed.

“I was starting to wonder if you’d ever come,” Chris confessed.

“What if I hadn’t?” Josh asked. “How long were you gonna wait before you reached out again?”

“I don’t know,” Chris said. “Honestly… I wasn’t sure if I would this time.”

The admittance made Josh feel like shit. He’d taken for granted that Chris would always come back; that no matter how much he pushed, Chris would always be within arm’s reach.

“I’m sorry,” Josh whispered.

Chris came to sit next to him on the bed. “It’s okay, bro. You’re here now, right? It’s all good.” He held up his fist, and Josh bumped his against it. The gesture felt weak, stilted. Josh was still stuck on what Chris had said, about not coming back.

“So you were just gonna not talk to me ever again? After everything… after like twelve years of friendship, that was gonna be it?” He tried not to sound angry. “What about your promise?”

Chris looked affronted. “My _promise_? Fuck that, man. I never went anywhere. How about _you_ promise not to leave, huh? Believe it or not, I need you sometimes just as much as you need me.”

“You’d be fine without me,” Josh started, but Chris cut him off.

“How the hell do you know I’d be fine? Do you know how miserable it is, whenever you shut me out?” He shook his head in frustration. “Last year was the longest we’ve ever gone without talking. I was so lonely.”

“You weren’t alone,” Josh protested weakly. “You had Ashley, you were all over her.”

“It’s not the same!” Chris’s voice was getting louder and shakier. “Ashley’s nice, and I like her a lot, but she’s not — she’s not _you_ , jackass. No one could ever take your place.”

Josh stared at him, dumbstruck. The anger melted off Chris’s face, and just when the silence threatened to stretch too long, he opened his arms ever so slightly. Not a demand, just an invitation. A question, really. Josh scooted forward to close the distance between them on the bed, arms sliding around Chris’s waist as his head fell against Chris’s shoulder. Chris let out a small sigh of relief, one hand rubbing the small of Josh’s back. He smelled like cinnamon and aftershave and Josh buried his nose against the crook of Chris’s neck, desperate to take in everything he’d missed these past few months, everything he’d almost lost forever.

“You’re such an asshole,” Chris murmured. When they separated, they stayed sitting close, thighs and shoulders pressed together.

Josh was distracted by the thin silvery scar across Chris’s throat. He knew it’d be there; Mike and Ashley had told him about their scars, after all. He hadn’t seen them, though. Those scars could be hidden, so Josh could pretend to forget what he’d done. He could never forget this.

Chris must have known what he was staring at, because he tilted Josh’s chin, forcing him to make eye contact. “I don’t blame you for that,” he said firmly.

“That… that night,” Josh said slowly. “When we were in that dark place, with that stupid game… it was because of you that I figured it out.”

Chris hummed in confusion.

“When I picked up the soul that was supposed to be mine — it was so bad, Chris. Just hate and cowardice. And I would’ve believed it. I did believe it. I thought that’s what I really was.”

“Josh…”

“But I remembered what you said,” Josh pressed on. “About me being a good person. Still not so sure you’re right about that, but… I guess I trust you.”

Chris’s hand found his, fingers lacing together and squeezing tightly. “So, when you picked up my soul, what was it like?” he asked.

Josh smiled a bit in memory. “Warm. Kind of a pretentious dick. Also got some major dorky dad vibes.” He looked at Chris. “Made me feel safe. Felt like you.”

A shared, quiet breath. “Can I kiss you?” Chris whispered. Josh nodded. They met in the middle, lips brushing gently against each other. This was nothing like the last time, all desperation and crushing of mouths. This time was careful, hesitant, soft. Chris tasted like maple syrup. Josh sighed softly. Chris’s hand crept up his thigh.

“You makin’ a move on me, Cochise?” he murmured. Chris laughed, squeezing Josh’s leg. “You sly dog,” Josh said, pulling back.

“I missed you so much,” Chris said. “God, Josh, I wish you could understand how important you are to so many people. To me.”

Josh stiffened. “That’s unfortunate,” he said.

“C’mon, dude,” Chris said, frowning.

Josh exhaled slowly. “Yeah. Sorry.” He ran a hand over his face. “This is hard.”

“What is?”

“This. Talking about… feelings.”

“We don’t have to talk,” Chris said. His hand danced up Josh’s thigh again, and Josh huffed out a laugh.

“I think we kinda do,” he said, reaching over to remove Chris’s hand from his leg. “I need to tell you something.” He took a breath. “It came back.”

Chris tensed, face going pale. “What, the demon?”

“Yeah. It said we didn’t kill it, but that it was going back to the mountain. I think it’s gone for now, but…” His stomach churned at the memory of what the Shadow had said. “I keep having these terrible dreams, and it said one day I would find my way back to it. What if it comes after me again, Chris?”

For a moment, Chris looked just as terrified as Josh felt. Then he straightened his shoulders and said, with some degree of false confidence, “Then we fight it again. And we kick its ass.”

“We aren’t gonna win every time,” Josh said. “We got lucky before. If it comes back, I’m fucked, dude.”

Chris gripped his hand again. “We’ll deal with that if it comes. But if you think your sisters or Sam or me — or anyone really — are just gonna stand aside and let that thing take you without a fight, you’re crazy.”

“I _am_ crazy, dude,” Josh pointed out. Chris was undeterred.

“My point is, you’re not going into this alone,” he said. “And we’re two for two on the whole ‘defeating scary monsters’ front. I think our odds are pretty good.” His face grew serious for a moment. “Just… promise me, if things start getting bad for you again, or if some fucking demon shows up in your bedroom, you’ll tell me, okay? I’ve got your back.”

Josh laughed ruefully. “You’re just asking for trouble, bro. Bad shit seems to follow me.”

“That’s exactly why you need me,” Chris said. “I’m like your cool awesome sidekick.”

“So you finally admit you’re the sidekick in this relationship?”

Chris’s eyes widened and he spluttered in protest for a moment while Josh laughed again, more sincerely this time. He felt warm from head to toe. Chris was like the goddamn sun.

“We’re _partners_ ,” Chris said finally. “Partners in crime. Equal footing.”

“I’m not convinced,” Josh said, smirking.

Chris got a dangerous smile on his face and crowded impossibly close to Josh, speaking in a low voice that made Josh’s stomach flip-flop. “Maybe I should prove it to you then.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Josh countered, but before he could finish his sentence, Chris pressed their mouths together. The kiss caught Josh off guard, and even though Chris was attempting to steady himself with one hand on Josh’s knee, they were toppling over almost immediately. Josh was now sprawled on his back on Chris’s bed, Chris propped up against his chest.

“Are you okay?” Chris asked, looking flustered. Josh nodded.

“I feel like you did this on purpose,” he said.

Chris chuckled. “I didn’t, I swear. But I’m not complaining.” He leaned down to kiss Josh again, and his touch was tender in a way Josh had forgotten he was allowed to feel. Vulnerability had always scared him, and it still did, but the weight of Chris on top of him was grounding.

“Chris,” he breathed, and Chris pulled back to look at him, questioning. Face reddening, Josh said, “I just — I want to say…” He paused, frustrated. The words couldn’t seem to come out right. “I won’t shut you out again. I promise.” He hoped that was enough to convey what he really meant, things that felt too big to say. He pushed himself up on his elbows, kissing the corner of Chris’s mouth. Chris let out a quiet exhale, and Josh trailed his lips down to Chris’s throat. He paused at the scar.

“I’ve seen you dead,” he said. It was probably the most mood-killing thing he could have said, but it just slipped out. Chris blinked down at him.

“Guess we’re even then,” he said. Josh winced. “What’d you say the other day?” Chris continued. “We turned out pretty fucked up. S’okay, though. I’d rather be fucked up with you than without you.”

“That’s the gayest thing you’ve ever said,” Josh said, no malice in his voice.

“Stay for dinner,” Chris said. “Mom’s making macaroni.”

“Yeah, she already invited me,” Josh said. “Your mom knows the real way to my heart is with carbohydrates.”

Chris clambered off of him, laying down on his back beside Josh instead. “So is this, like, our happy ending?” he asked, looking at the ceiling.

“Mmm. How about cautiously optimistic beginning?” Josh offered. Chris turned his head to smile at him.

“It’s a deal,” he said.

And this was a deal Josh was more than happy to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there u have it, folks!! thank you all so much for indulging me in this experiment of a fic, i'm glad i was able to try out some scary/gory imagery and all that jazz. plus i know this story pretty much never went in the direction y'all expected, and i hope that was an enjoyable thing????? i had fun with it at any rate. THANK U FOR READING AND COMMENTING AND LEAVING KUDOS I LOVE ALL YALL SO MUCH XOXO


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